new dates!

To be honest, I have had the new timeline for over a week but everything has been so crazy, I haven't updated the blog.  Also, I have learned that nothing is promised in this world of infertility and I don't want to get my hopes up.  Last time around I was so damned excited and just knew we were on track, until COVID came along.  Drum roll please...the new date of transfer is July 20th.  

On another note, while I am not really losing weight, truly bouncing around from 180-185 on any given day, I have never been a wearer of shorts.  I have always hated them, my legs are so ugly!  Being out on the boat at my parents' made me realize that leggings are not conducive to fishing in the bay in the hot weather.  I took an old pair of sweatpants, cut them off, and looked super trashy, but it worked in a pickle.  I went ahead and ordered some shorts when I got home and grabbed some at goodwill.  The shorts that fit are the 14s!  Keep in mind a year and a half ago, I was in size 24 pants!  Now, with this progress, I have to just keep it going! 

corona coaster

Things have been a whirlwind as of late, for all reasons, not just figuring out the new timeline.  First, we got word that Maryland had opened up the elective medical procedures.  With that, we were hoping to hear something mid-April.  Of course, too soon, SGF decided that donor cycles would not begin yet.  With more waiting, we were told that they were going to start donor cycles and again waited on a timeline.  I have been checking in weekly with our nurse.  Frankly, I have been pretty selfish in getting the game going or asking if I can have a period.  Each time I ask about the period they say no, things will be back up and running shortly.  What is shortly to them does not seem to be shortly to me!

Finally, when we had not received a timeline after a couple of weeks of being told they were scheduling donor cycles, I again reached out.  When the nurse responded, we were quoted with this information from the donor's nurse:  ""Her normal office is closed due to COVID concerns. She lives almost 2 hours from the next nearest office.  We're going to wait a little to plan dates to see when her office re opens up for monitoring.  I'll keep you posted on dates but we're probably looking at late June or July for cycle, depending on when the office opens back up."

I was fuming at this.  I had written a scathing email, shown below.  This was a huge test for me.  Instead of sending the email and being a complete (but as I feel justified) bitch, I called her instead.  I left her a voicemail in the calmest voice I could asking if she could call me back.  She did call back but between the kids and everything else I never returned her call because I needed to calm down a bit.  Poor Bethany was on the receiving this email that I had wanted so badly to send:

Thanks, Kim – I really appreciate the transparency.

I have to pay devil’s advocate a little bit here.  Isn’t the donor getting paid?  Haven’t the IPs paid a lot of money to get this done to which SGF is basically making interest on (probably not in the state of the economy, but IPs are potentially paying interest on that money)?  I live 3+ hours away from the Rockville location.  Why is it that the donor can’t be told when to start just like the IPs/GCs have no choice in scheduling?

I know I am “shooting the messenger” here but I hope you’ll understand my perspective – this is going to be a long, crazy journey for me and my family and I am pretty sure that the donor is only affected for a fraction of that time.

Bethany, don’t kill me for writing this.  Just thought I’d ask to better understand where the priorities lie within SGF.

So, there's the big bitch in me, but at what point are the intended parents the priority?  They have already paid thousands and thousands to get this party started.  Bethany did let me know that the donor does have to be monitored quite often during their medication timeline so a two hour drive really would put her out.  This helped to make more sense to me, but at that point it is on SGF to get the closest office open.  

Yesterday, as I was depleted from trying to work at home solo with the two crazy kids, I felt like such a failure.  I can't be a decent mother and a decent employee at the same time (thank God that my boss is absolutely understanding and actually asks us to put our children first, knowing that I will be sure to put in the hours when I can).  Then, once the kids were in bed, I got back on the computer to get things done that had gone by the wayside all day long just to see a response from the nurse to my check in email from earlier in the week.  Just so you know, the nurse is typically very responsive.  The fact I had not heard back in a couple of days had me frustrated but I didn't have much time to think about it.  That response, however, did say that she wanted to return with positive news verses more ambiguous information.  Apparently the donor's nurse has provided our nurse with dates!  From what she said, the nurses are reviewing the plan and we should get a timeline today!  Just what I needed to be grounded after a really difficult day.

The best part of it all was that Bethany and I were able to check in with eachother last night, too.  We had a great conversation - thank goodness she is a therapist - because boy does she help me put everything into perspective and tries really hard to not let me feel like a failure.  Bethany and Phillip are going through some of their own struggles, too, and I have let them know on numerous occasions that if this process needs to be put on hold from their end, I am 100% supportive of any decisions that make the most sense for them.  At this point, though, we are full steam ahead and I could not be more reinvigorated to get back to focusing on my health and well being for a happy, healthy, pregnancy and a sweet baby!