april 27th

The day we have been waiting for and preparing for for months and months.  The day that I thought seemed so very far away.  It is here, yet it doesn't mean anything anymore.  However, it will make the future so much better, when all is said and done and Bethany and Phillip are parents.

Over the last several weeks I didn't have any time to devote to this blog or the journey as a whole.  I tried to stick to the healthy eating and exercising but all of this fell by the wayside.  I was put back on track last week when my cousin from Baltimore said "are you sad about this weekend?"  I had no clue what she was talking about - we don't have plans anymore so there was nothing going on.  She had to remind me about being in Baltimore and the transfer that is now on hold.

My own response surprised me as much as it surprised her.  I am not sad.  I am happy and thankful.  This is God's timing and I know everything will be fine at the end of this.  If the baby doesn't get here for a couple of extra months, that is okay, too.  Every ounce of me was so impatient throughout the process, but now, I have to thank God for making me pause to focus on other parts of my life that have needed it.  It is so tough, but we are managing and getting through this difficult time with some wonderful memories that I will forever hold dear.

Bethany and I were able to connect yesterday, too.  I think she has come to terms with the unknown for now and that it makes the most sense for all of us.  I got this quote in an email last week from SGF and I just love it - maybe it can be a reminder for you, too.

While we can't control most of what we experience, we can control our approaches and reactions.  I will do my best to write and reflect more so everyone knows what is going on and also because this has become an outlet that I now realize I have missed.

His plan

This week I had the wonderful opportunity to chat with Bethany.  It has been a while since we've touched base and it was so nice to hear her voice.  We caught up on everything.  I could tell she was a little down due to COVID and the pause - who isn't?  I have to keep in mind that I have only been on this journey for 8 months or so - they have been on it for years.  The hits keep coming, several they experienced before I was in the picture.  They have to be feeling so distraught like nothing will ever come to fruition.  I know it my heart, though, it will, in due time.

Even if we were moving forward with the original timeline, it wouldn't be good for anyone.  For me, I have been focusing a ton of my efforts on the yard, which has led me to awful poison ivy all over.  Prednisone is NOT my friend.  I am eating everything in sight and am just a bitch to deal with.  I can't imagine taking this on top of the hormone meds to prepare for the transfer.  Plus, life is stressful.  Two kids at home.  Jacob and I are ready to claw our eyeballs out all while I am trying to put in normal hours for work.  It is tough, but it is pretty cool at the same time (I have to keep telling myself that).  We are baking a ton for anyone that will eat our cookies - dropping them off at neighbors' houses during walks and just doing our part to shed a little light on this awful situation.

Stress is never good for a conception, IVF or not, so I am thankful we are on pause.  That doesn't mean I don't want to get a new timeline ASAP, but still, this would not have been the best time for us to move forward.

As I was speaking with Bethany, I also mentioned the fact that if we were proceeding, I would probably have to go to all appointments alone.  That is NOT at all how either of us want this to happen.  I would feel awful if they weren't there and they would be missing out on critical parts of this next chapter.  So, we have to keep in mind that this is God's plan and he is making it perfect for us - just what we need.  I also received this quote in an email from Shady Grove, which made me happy.  I sent it to Bethany, too.

Hang in there, my friends.  We will overcome this, too!