Christen reached out to me to let me know that they heard the good news on vacation yesterday. Even while on the beach, they all celebrated with smiles and possibly even some tears. Another milestone is behind us. Many more to go, but we will tackle them as they come.
I think I am still on high from the wonderful news!
My mind was running a mile a minute as I drove down to VCU - leaving the house about 45 minutes early, just in case. I had an 8 inch text message of directions of where to go and what to do from the nurse. Trying to figure all of that out, I arrived and waited in line on the right floor of the Children's Hospital of Richmond. It was interesting - I was the minority there, simply because I didn't speak Spanish. Just being in line was a humbling experience of its own - so many children passed through that obviously have constant struggles were ushered in and out. It is always good to be reminded of our two healthy children and how we should truly be thankful for them.
As I waited in line for my turn to check in, I received a text message from the nurse telling me to stay at home and to show up an hour late as they were running behind. Normally, this type of pivoting would throw me for a loop and piss me off to no end. If nothing is precious, time is. For some reason, I was calm and collected. Who cares. I let her know that it wasn't a problem, I would be in the lobby when they were ready. I wasn't expecting to sit for an hour and fifteen minutes, but so be it! The nurse met me in the lobby just to introduce herself and apologize about the wait. I tried to help her realize that everything was fine.
I texted the nurse to see if I could eat an apple as I was specifically told no sugar or caffeine prior to the ultrasound. How was I so peaceful without my diet coke? I don't know, but I was ready to get out of there and get a hold of one, for sure. There were no issues with the apple so I ate that and some nuts I had packed since I was told it was going to be a long day. 1.5-2 hours for the echo alone. This did not include time with the fetal cardiologist afterwards.
Give or take several more minutes, someone in scrubs came out of the doors where I would be taken back. It was the nicest lady who introduced herself and also apologized for the delay. We spoke for at least ten minutes about the procedure, her tenure in the field, this gestational carrier journey, etc. It was such a nice conversation. Eventually, she got a text message that said that the room was now available and that I would be taken back shortly. In no time, I was back on the table and catered to, ensuring my comfort.
The baby offered great views at first, of parts of the heart that are often difficult to scan. As time went on, this wiggle worm kept moving and it was really tough for the sonographer to get the still pictures/heartbeats of the flows through to different parts of the body. At one point, she asked to take a break to see if baby would stop moving. I welcomed that as my back was starting to hurt. I sat up and the next thing I knew, she told me she felt that she had what she needed and she was going to ensure that the doctor agreed.
Dr. Bhurtel came into the room, took the wand, and started doing some scanning of his own. Meanwhile, everything they comment on is "beautiful." I suppose this is good, but who knows? After about 5 minutes (about 50 minutes total on the table), the told me I could start cleaning up and get ready to head into the conference room to review everything. That felt strange. Why can't you tell me what I need to know now? Maybe they just needed the room?
I was ushered to the meeting room with Dr. Bhurtel and Wanda. I asked if I could call Phillip so that he could hear what the doctor had to say, which was fine. With Phillip on the phone, Dr. Bhurtel was concise and efficient, saying in very few words that the baby's heart is perfect! PERFECT! What a huge relief! As I drove home, the exhaustion of the stress and unknown hit me. I felt like I could barely keep my head up! As the day went on, I tried to update those that were in the know, each time expressing praises for our God. He is the one that is making the calls here, we are just a means of His will.
Three days of additional worry, all for nothing. But, adding necessary perspective to keep us humbled.
Well, that project I started a couple of weeks ago has really taken shape over the last couple of days! I am taking mental health breaks here and there to think about what I want it to be, how I want it displayed, and getting to it all. I am pleased with the progress thus far and think I should be done in a couple of more days! I am praying so hard that everything seen tomorrow is just fine and our minds can be at ease again. I know that so many of us are in the same boat of worry - only time will give us the answers we need. Until then, I will do my best to divert this nervous energy into something for my wombmate!
Not so much! The more I think about the upcoming echo, the more uneasy I get. I have been on pins and needles all evening just knowing that I cannot wait until August 9th. On the other hand, this is the one day that Bethany's dear mom was going to be able to go and we had her down to do just that. I so want her to be in on this journey as much as possible and I would give anything for her to go with me. I reached out to Bethany and asked her if it would be okay if I could reach back out to the nurse to be put on a cancellation list or anything to be seen sooner - the waiting is the hardest part.
As Bethany wrote me back, very in tune with my hope to get in sooner, she also gave me some really unfortunate news. Their dog, Lucy passed away this morning. Oh my goodness, I cannot imagine. They are at such a vulnerable stage in their lives and the grieving process must be so difficult. I wish there was something I could do, but we all know there is nothing. They had returned to NoVA and Phillip was traveling so Bethany was alone, which made it worse. I am glad she chose to cancel her clients for the day and take time for herself. All I can think is that this little baby has the best four legged angel watching over her!
My head was trying to figure everything out and I kept thinking about what the nurse told me to try to ease my mind. Fetal echos are ordered for any/all of three different reasons:
This morning, we had our 24 week appointment. They had scheduled a follow up ultrasound because during the one at the 20 week appointment, little gal was not fully cooperating and not all of the views of the heart could be obtained. We welcomed that as it would be another opportunity for Bethany and Phillip to be there in person to see the baby. There were so many smiles when they got to see her sweet face and then every other little part of her body. It was so special to share in their joy. Everything in the ultrasound went great (so we thought) and we were taken back to then meet with Dr. C.
I was thrilled to notice that I did not gain any weight last month. This is a huge relief considering that I had gained almost 10 pounds each of the last two months. It was really difficult but keeping exercise at the forefront and being mindful about my nutrition made all of the difference. Just as I learned over the last couple of years, it is isn't that difficult if I have my priorities straight. Also, all of the moving boxes and back and forth from house to house could have definitely kept me more active than normal. I hope that I can keep up the weight maintenance and only gain minimally from here on out.
When Dr. C came into the room she suggested there may be a need for further ultrasounds, but wanted to confirm with the fetal cardiologist. Within seconds, she took a phone call from that individual that confirmed there were a couple of views that we were unable to get today and that I would have to be scheduled for fetal echocardiogram, just to make sure that there are no issues. While Dr. C did say that she is not concerned, the procedure must be done to rule out any problems.
The remainder of the appointment went great. Dr. C is very happy with every bit of progress. The baby is measuring 25w5 days and we are currently at 25w3d. Also, she's measuring in the 50th percentile, which is right on track and where she needs to be. For monitoring purposes, Dr. C asked that I schedule a growth check (another ultrasound) at the 30 week appointment scheduled for September. The 28 week appointment on the calendar is when I will have to drink that nasty, sugary stuff and then get a lot of bloodwork to rule out gestational diabetes. It is fun, let me tell you. The most important thing is to have it ruled out sooner rather than later, though. If I don't "pass" this test, then I will be subject to a three hour screening, which I have heard is even worse.
We left the appointment happy to know that all is health. On the way home, VCU called to see if I could come directly there for the echo. This was really alarming to me. Dr. C had said that there was no urgency for the scan, but it was necessary. The lady was super nice but when she told me that the echo could last 2 hours, I knew I needed to get back to work. I told her I would call her when I got home to schedule the appointment when it worked with both of our calendars. Fast forward, we got an appointment for August 9th for the fetal echocardiogram.
All's well that ends well!
I guess it wouldn't be a family affair without a little bit of drama thrown in the mix. What I am learning quickly is that there is an even more complicated dynamic of it all because we are basically family. We probably know too much about each other and what is going on, to be honest. While those dramatic things are fun to dwell on and bitch about, I am coming to the realization that even when I agree, I am really just adding fuel to the fire which isn't fair to anyone.
At this point, I am praying to just keep my mouth shut and support when asked. The last thing I want is to create additional, unnecessary stress to any of us!
On the other hand, we are 25 weeks today! There is so much to celebrate. It is still so surreal (I will probably be saying this for years to come). I am excited to see Bethany and Phillip Monday morning as we head to the 24 week appointment for an ultrasound and time with Dr. C.
This evening I got to share a really sweet few minutes with Meade. For a while now, when I ask Meade what the baby's name should be, she always says "Flower." Perfect! Not realistic but a great little nickname from our family. Tonight I was laying on the couch with Meade and the baby was dancing in my belly. I asked Meade if she wanted to feel it. Meade put her hand on my tummy and to see her face light up when she felt the movement is a little memory I will always cherish. It was the sweetest. She then proceeded to kiss my belly, as if kissing little Flower.
On the other hand, I asked Gregory if he'd like to feel and looked at me like I was crazy. It is funny how different these two kids are!
Our Flower seems to be perfectly happy nestled in my belly! We can't wait to meet this little girl and she better watch out - Meade is already planning what games they will play and what colors they will paint their finger nails - when she is old enough, of course!
It wouldn't be normal if I didn't decide to start a new project right away. Even though we just moved in yesterday, most everything is unpacked and I am itching to create something for this sweet little gal in my belly. I haven't figured out exactly what I am going to do or what I am going to make, but I have several ideas swirling in my head. Of course, I think about them and how I can incorporate them all to make something unique and functional when I wake up at all hours of the night.
Still unclear on exactly what I will be putting together, I did go grab some pieces of hardwood flooring today from the restore to act as my "canvas." I think this is going to be one of those layered projects that will have to be done in stages and I won't be able to finish it quickly. That is a good thing - there is less stress on finishing quickly and just being able to think it through and take my time.
On top of the gift, I have been going back to the favor ideas and working on those here and there as well. While I think I have everything I need, I don't want to put them together just yet.
It is always something, but these spells of creativity are what keep me centered - just what the doctor ordered!
Here's a sneak peek of what may (or may not be) part of the final project:
So often, I am faced with the question of Why. Why would I do something like this? Well, the better question, which is likely throwing a challenge back at the inquirer is Why Not?
There is no definitive list of why I am here other than the fact that I want to be. I want Bethany and Phillip to be the parents they deserve to be. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I want the world to be a brighter place for everyone and with a smidge of kindness, we can all work toward that. Maybe this is my smidge? Well, today, I figured out another why - and a selfish one!
I was at the pool with the kids this evening and while I look like a whale, there was an obviously pregnant mom next to me. I started chatting with her and she explained something that I have dreamt of since day one of this offer. This young lady was enamored when I told her that I was expecting yet it wasn't for our family. She started to tear up and told me that she used to be a Labor and Delivery nurse for several years. She said after a while, the excitement of new babies everyday wears off. I can see that if it is your day to day operations. She followed up to tell me that in the middle of the few years she worked as a nurse on that unit, there was one special delivery that will always stand out - when a carrier delivered for her intended parents. She said that she had never experienced something more beautiful than to be in the delivery room with the carrier, her husband, and the two expecting parents. Everyone in the room was crying before it was all over and it was just the best situation to witness.
While I never thought of it like that before, this is one of my whys. I want to be able to provide this experience for us all - our families and those helping us from the medical perspective. I have often said that this will be the most beautiful gift I can ever give anyone. What I didn't realize that the moments of this birth with be another just as beautiful opportunity for everyone there to experience it.
This is it y'all. I totally own the selfishness of this one - I can't wait for this special time in each of our lives!
As I mentioned I was working to stay positive, things have aligned. Even if they aren't where I wanted them to be three seconds ago, they are coming together. This evening, Jacob and I closed on our new home. We still await the closing of our old home, but that is at least back under contract with a closing date in August.
While we were sitting in the car about to go into the attorney's office, I got a call from work with an official job offer to help create a new Artificial Intelligence program. My new manager and current manager have to work out a time frame for transition, but more exciting times are ahead!
Now, I will take it all in and try to relax a little this weekend. It looks as though we won't fully move until next week when the movers have a moment to fit us in. God is beyond amazing. If only I put more trust in him and added less stress worrying over it all.
The struggle to keep positive is real right now. The house stuff isn't going well, but if I don't think about it, I am better off. I keep praying (and welcome your prayers, too) that everything will work out and that everyone affected finds peace at this difficult time.
One thing I have noticed, though, is that over the last few days, I have had three different family members reach out to offer over 100K each, as a loan, to get the final push. While the logistics of that utmost generosity doesn't make sense, due to extra gift/inheritance paperwork, the fact that people are willing and trust us enough to put that much money on the line is very, very humbling. I have learned so much through this experience. Next time, when I have a plan B, I am going to research it fully to ensure I know what to expect and how to get there with as little abrasion to others as possible.
Baby continues to move quite often! We weren't feeling the best this weekend - I think it had to do with different schedules and no morning walk routine with the holiday. Thankfully, today I have felt so much better!
Once we do get into the new house, I plan to focus on getting the favors ready for the shower - this excites me! As always, thank you all for the continued prayers; they are felt and so appreciated!
