Folks, we have our timeline! All set for transfer on Friday, November 13th! We are going to make this day one that I never associate with bad luck again! Injections start in a few weeks and until then I will stay on the birth control pills! I am so excited for this to be underway again!
Kim, our amazing nurse, reached out to me. She asked about days of the week that would be best for transfer. Because this transfer will be using a frozen embryo verses a fresh one (not synched up with the donor - there are still two frozen embryos from the last fresh transfer), we can determine our own date of transfer, of course with the medicine regimen and a satisfactory uterine lining. I have asked Kim if we can shoot for a Monday or a Friday so that we can make a short trip up to Baltimore to see my great aunt and the majority of her children still in the area.
Since I started the birth control on Saturday, we are looking at a transfer date in mid-November. A little earlier than Thanksgiving, which is great - you know me - the sooner the better! Looking at these dates, it seems like a 40 week gestational period takes us out to deliver close to the end of July or beginning of August. A summer baby! While I am not that interested in being huge over the summer, I will gladly do it!
This morning I returned to the clinic to have blood drawn again. While my beta level was a little over 150 two weeks ago, we were told that it could still take some time to get below 5, which is what is needed to determine a negative pregnancy test. Today, our nurse was on PTO for her birthday, so her manager called me to follow up. The beta level is at 8! While it still has a few points to drop, she was okay with me getting back on birth control this weekend to start a new cycle. Here we go again! I'm very happy but still on edge because you just never know!
I reached out to Kim today. Even though I stopped the injections in the bottom a few weeks ago, I still have lingering pain. It is nothing too bad, just like a bruise that won't go away. The slightest touch hurts. Strangely, too, as each day passes, the pain seems to get lower and lower as if gravity is pulling the bruise down. Now, it is pretty much at the intersection of my bottom and my leg. Kim confirmed that this is normal, which I was glad to hear. As long as it is typical, there is no worry on my end. It just is so strange to me!
Last night we had the opportunity to have our dear Shelby stay with us again. She is the best and we adore her. She has also been beyond supportive as we work to make Bethany and Phillip parents. The last time she stayed was the night before we had the first heartbeat check in which I had no inkling we would receive bad news. So, the times have changed and she has been here for us each step of the way. It was so wonderful to have her here with us last evening. However, when everything was confirmed a couple of weeks ago, I got this most beautiful card in the mail from her.
So, let's jump in them together is what the inside of the card said. On the envelope, Shelby wrote so many nice and lovely things about me to keep me reminded of how far we've come and that the best is yet to come. She even mentioned our bracelets (I gave her one, too, before she went back to school last year) that simply says "keep fucking going."
And, that is what we will continue to do. The rain comes and goes, but let's make the best of the puddles and simply keep going!
This morning I had blood work to check on my beta level. As I was going through the miscarriage, in one day, my blood work in the morning showed an HCG of 11K. When I went to the hospital because of the crazy bleeding, it was down to 8K, a significant drop in less than 12 hours! Now, it is time to see that level drop to a "negative" pregnancy test. Today, the level was at 159.
When Kim called to let me know, she was quick to say that while the overall level has dropped considerably, the last couple hundred take a lot longer to get down. No problem on our end. I think everyone is still processing the difficulty of the last several weeks. I have a new blood work appointment scheduled for the 24th, in hopes that we get a negative result at that time. In the meantime, should I start a period, I will let Kim know and she will get me in sooner to have labs drawn. Who knows what my crazy body will do!
I will say that I feel a little bit of guilt to write this, but I am feeling so good. I am back to my normal self, walking each morning and truly feeling great. I haven't had to wear a pad in the past two days which is indicative that my body should be pretty much done passing all of the conception material. The cytogenetics testing will take about 6 weeks to return any results so we will know more as time allows.
As far as next steps go, Kim will direct me on what to do and when, of course as Bethany/Phillip and I are ready. It is looking like we will transfer again around Thanksgiving. The beauty of having frozen embryos is that we do not have to sync up a timeline for a fresh transfer with an egg donor. This means that once we are far enough down the medicine timeline, we can schedule our own date. Because there are two embryos frozen, if for some reason one is not viable after the thaw, they will have the oportunity to thaw the other. Keep in mind that the first time around when Bethany was trying to carry, 10 embryos were frozen and only two survived the thaw. Everyone is very quick to say that those circumstances are an anomaly in the IVF world, but I am hoping that we will be able to transfer one. If not, I am not sure of the next steps - whether we need to do another donor cycle or if since I am on meds we might be able to get a frozen donor egg. I suppose time will tell. I would hate to have to be on the expensive meds for several weeks only to realize that neither embryo is viable the day of the transfer and then have to start all over again with the donor process.
As we face the next few weeks, I get the negative test, and then start my period, more blood work will be taken. From there, we will begin the same timeline of active birth control pills and Lupron shots, leading to oral Estrace and progesterone injections and vaginal inserts. My lining will be checked to ensure it is thick enough and then we should be able to transfer in about 7 days.
Here's to keeping everything positive yet realistic. We WILL get this baby, in God's time.
Another supper! My dear friend, Adrienne, asked if she could bring us a meal this evening. The kids and Jacob ate while she was here, but I just wanted to catch up. We haven't seen each other in many months (thanks, COVID). Here sweet mama, Ms. Clare, is the one that I visit and help every once in a while at Westminster Canterbury. The worst part is that I have not had the opportunity to visit her since March, either. It was so wonderful to have a few minutes for some adult interaction and with one of the most beautiful souls I know. Not only did she bring a delicious supper (London broil, rice, veggies, and dessert), she also brought a bunch of sunflowers to add to my collection of fresh flowers around the house.
Once Meade was done with her supper, she wanted to hang out with the gals and was smitten with Adrienne. They are friends for life now - Meade even showed her the new Elsa lamp in her bedroom! You know that is special! For me, it was so nice to take a breath and chat - there is so much we have missed in each other's lives over the last several months. This lady teaches me so much daily about being kind, practicing generosity, trusting faith, and believing in myself. She is an angel in my world. To see Adrienne and share time with her brought so much joy into my evening!
On her way out, a FedEx man delivered a package of flowers. I had no idea where they were from, but I assumed work had sent them. When I opened the box, a gorgeous arrangement was there from another sweet friend, Malissa. Mal moved to Florida last year so we don't get to spend as much time together as I'd like, but we keep in touch quite often via text. I couldn't believe that she was so sweet to send the flowers and I am so thankful.
The outpouring of love and support never ceases to amaze me!
This evening, Maria brought over a spread for a delicious salad. Veggies, chicken, and lots of extra fixin's that are splurging to us! We are so thankful to have people like David and Maria here to support us. Before leaving, she made sure that I understood they would be at my beckoning call for anything and everything. She assured me that like so many others, they are unsure what to do and how to help so any and all offers will stand when we are ready to take them up on more meals, help with kids, transportation, whatever it may be. So, so very kind!
Today was also Gregory's first day of school! I went out to the end of the driveway to grab him off the bus, but the bus never came. I started getting a little worried so I called school, trying not to be that overwhelming, crazy mom. They told me that things are always out of whack the first few days - he would be there soon and if not, give it ten minutes before I called back. Right then Ricky called and he and I talked for about 15 minutes while I stood at the end of the driveway, with no Gregory or bus in sight. I called the school again and as they put me on hold to radio the bus, I had an incoming call from another line at the school. When I answered, it was Gregory's sweet teacher telling me that the form I filled out last week specifically said he was to be picked up. Oops. I can tell you right now that I have NO IDEA what I put on those damned forms. I was so out of it, but thought I hadn't missed a beat. Beyond a few tears from me (for being mortified) and trying to explain that last week was really challenging, Gregory came out of the principal's office like he had had the best day in the world! He said he thought he was riding the bus home and all I could say was that I made a mistake, it was a big one and I was sorry. We have been trying to teach the kids that mistakes are inevitable and we apologize, fix the issue, and learn from it. He acted like it was no big deal at all! I mean, not every kid gets to stay late and play legos with the principal after school, right? I am so thankful to the school for not letting on to Gregory that anything was awry and letting it all fall into place.
Who knows what else I probably screwed up last week? Only time will tell (and frankly, who cares!)...
Well, I had hoped to be thinking of laboring a baby during this time, not laboring conception material. Now that I am feeling better, we made the most of it. Some family friends came down to my parents Saturday and went out fishing with us – it was the best time! Jacob and I brought the kids back home Sunday evening so that we could get all of the school preparation done today and try to resume our normal routine. We took the kids on a nature walk this morning on the Pipeline Walkway and then Jacob took the kids to play tennis. All in all, it was a great weekend in which I am just so damned thankful to be feeling better!
Last night before I got in bed, I got a text from the nurse Lisa, just checking in to see how I felt. I was baffled. She reached out, well beyond normal business hours just to check in? I couldn’t believe it. I texted her back and let her know that I was doing wonderfully. Minor cramping and bleeding, but I could live with that. I don’t know what it was, but getting that little bit left out of my body did wonders for me. It may have all been in my head, but I didn’t care – I took it and rolled with it. Lisa followed up with the reminders of when to go to the ER and telling me to take care. How amazing is that!?
Disclaimer - both Bethany and I grew up in Catholic households so no disrespect here. It is what it is. Frankly, it is nice to make some sense of it but I am going to be ticked when the bill comes in!
When I spoke with Lisa earlier in the week and mentioned
that if I was told to go to the ER for the extreme bleeding I had, why wasn’t
anything done. Lisa asked some questions
and got right down to it – the light bulb went off. I went to Memorial Regional, a Bon Secours
facility – a Catholic organization. The
Catholic Church does not believe in abortions and technically a D&C is
that, whether the baby is viable or not.
Now it made sense. Further, now I
know for the future. Should we have to
go through this heartache again and I experience the same, off to VCU I will
go.
Today is the day I have been longing for since Sunday. It is amazing how I wish my life away – I couldn’t wait for transfer, now I cannot wait for this. Soon enough, I will be super impatient for the next transfer. It goes on and on I suppose.
The morning was our normal routine, however, I have taken the day off. I did a few things for work and then called it a day. I baked cookies and prepared a few things for a night away at my parents tonight. Alison (my aunt and Godmother) was to come at 845 for the 940 appointment. Alison was nervous to go in so I asked if she had to or if I just had to have someone drive me home. That is all I needed. I headed up to the Nelson Clinic and Alison went to her office to get some work done.
Once there, I had to fill out some additional paperwork and waited for a few minutes. I put the Ativan in my cheek and started to get loopy. Sandra, a sweet nurse, took me back and got my vitals. In no time, I was in the procedure room accompanied by another wonderful nurse, Laurie. A medical resident, Dr. Crutchfield came in and got some more information and explained to me the procedure that would take place. Check out all of these items that I would soon have to endure!
Dr. Crutchfield returned with Laurie and Dr. Nelson (that was overseeing everything and doing the ultrasound (externally) to watch the procedure and ensure nothing was left behind. It was pretty cool to see what they were doing. As I figured I had passed everything – how could there be more? – I was shown that the gestational sac still remained. The speculum was inserted, all was good. Until I got the shot. Holy shit did that shot of lidocaine into my uterus hurt like hell! I tensed up and then my head started feeling strange. I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out, but I asked if this was normal. Dr. Nelson said that some people do feel the lidocaine in their head, which was strange, but not abnormal. Also, she mentioned that many people get a metallic taste in their mouth. How in the heck a shot in the uterus can make one taste something is beyond me, but oh well. Then came another shot. Thankfully, I didn’t feel that one. The catheter was inserted and they were on my way for the MVA (Manual Vacuum Aspiration). From what I have been told this is the procedure that is often given at Planned Parenthood for abortions. I didn’t care. We knew the embryo was no longer viable and I just wanted to feel better. If this meant it was less time consuming and cheaper, I was all in.
I asked a million questions and both doctors were more than willing to help me understand what was going on. I love it when the clinicians welcome conversation to help educate dummies like me. They were probably trying to keep me distracted, too. Oh my gosh, then the pain started coming. I begged them to stop, but they didn’t. This was the vacuum getting all of the “conception material.” The extreme pain literally only lasted 30 seconds or so but oh man did it hurt! Then, they were done! That was it? I couldn’t believe it! This is what they were able to remove.
From a conversation I had with Lisa yesterday, I learned that my insurance approved cytogenetic testing, which is great. We will be able to understand from the conception material if there was any genetic abnormality with the embryo. While I don’t think it will much matter with the two embryos that remain, it will be good to have the information, if there is any.
I had to wait about 30 minutes for my vitals to be taken and then I was on my
way. I had texted my aunt and when I
walked outside, she was on the corner waiting for me. On the way back, I asked her to stop so I
could get a diet coke and home I went! I
was still pretty loopy from the medicine so I laid down and took a little
nap.
I was told that if I bled more than 2 heavy pads an hour or had a fever of 100.4 (infection) I needed to get back to the ER. More cramping and bleeding will be had over the next week or so and that is normal.
Jacob and I are on our way down to my parents house with the kids and frankly, I feel a ton better already! Who knew? If only I could have experienced this relief a little sooner.
Lisa, a nurse from VCU called later this afternoon to go over my meds with me and ensure that I was ready for tomorrow. She gave me the number to call when I got there so that the room was prepped and I would spend as little time as possible in the waiting area. Tonight, I have to take antibiotics and nausea medicine to heed off any issues from the first meds. Tomorrow, when I get there, I have to put an Ativan in my cheek and let that set in. Also, Motrin was prescribed for pain afterwards. I asked if I could take it proactively and Lisa said absolutely. Crazily enough, Lisa also told me that the number she called on was her work cell phone and she will be there for any additional questions I have at any time. This was really nice to know.
Jacob’s mother and her beau came over and brought supper to us. It was so nice to have a fresh salad, delicious pizza and amazing brownies. Most of all, it was nice to have the company. I had to run out in the middle and grab Gregory from daycare (he had to stay late for the little ceremony that we could not attend). Our village around here is so wonderful and Barbara has been more than supportive since day one. I am so glad that we could get together and catch up!
So far, this evening has gone well. As far as pain, it was minimal (with the exception of some crazy cramps earlier this afternoon) and the bleeding again not much until the evening – but nothing horrible. We shall see what happens tomorrow!
I woke up with some pretty severe anxiety this morning. I am not sure if it is because my parents aren’t here or if I am just over everything, probably a lot of both. I am so hopeful for what tomorrow will bring but I think I’m nervous at the same time. As I spent the morning preparing little gifts (the book I am Human) for Gregory and his classmates that are “graduating” from preschool tonight, I realized that I should not be so upset with the financial coordinator. We all make mistakes and I need to take that into consideration. Maybe instead of writing a letter to the manager, I should ask for a candid conversation to use as a learning opportunity verses her getting in trouble. I wrote Kim an email and said just that. After all – we are all human and we all make mistakes whether we admit it or not. By the time Kim responded, she had mentioned that she had already forwarded my email to her manager and that she would be calling me before the end of the day.
I took a little break from work today to go and meet Gregory’s kindergarten teacher. She was so delightful. I really enjoyed her. I think he will have a great year. The distraction also helped a little bit on the anxiety front. Back to work and back to the grind.
Linda, the nurse manager did call me and express sincere apologies related to the frustrating situation with the financial coordinator. I reiterated that maybe a quick conversation would be more impactful than her getting in trouble. The manager said she would be happy to facilitate the conversation but asked that we wait until this week was over for me. She happened to call right when I was cramping pretty bad and the Motrin had not yet kicked in. I think I was out of breath from some of the pain and she seemed concerned, but I promised her I was okay.
I must say that physically the day wasn’t so bad. I am pretty much out of it. Just plain exhausted. Yes, there is cramping and bleeding but as long as it doesn’t get like Sunday or Monday nights I will be fine. I put in a full work day again and waited for the financial coordinator to call. I connected with Kim earlier in the day and asked if we had to wait any longer or if they could just put me on the schedule. She noted that she had sent my insurance information to the scheduler in Richmond and that the D&C would have to be done at the hospital. Beyond being billed by Shady Grove, my insurance would also be billed by the hospital’s anesthesiologist. Who the hell cares? Just get this shit out of me! Kim was working with the scheduler to see if there was any way to get on the calendar for tomorrow. Beyond the logistics, Kim was pissed that the coordinator continued to drop the ball. It made me feel a little less needy knowing that I was not the only one getting really frustrated. It was mentioned that the majority of the work that they do at SGF is time sensitive but a D&C is the most urgent to get scheduled and everyone knows that.
Mom and Dad again helped with the morning routine and also helped me get all of the trash to the dump (our truck is in the shop) and run an errand before my workday started at 730. I took a “lunch” and we played some more ten thousand and then they headed home. It was so sad to see them go, but I was so tired I wasn’t sure which end was up.
I thought I would take some time off of work and try to get some rest, but that didn’t happen. I pushed through although I am not sure if anything I did made sense. Thankfully, I work with a group of rockstars that chipped in as they knew I was not feeling well. The day has actually gone pretty well. However, yesterday did too – until it didn’t. My parents have been here all day, helping to get the children off to school and just being here for me. I asked them if they could figure out supper because I just didn’t have the energy. We decided on Greek take out – amazing! I connected with Kim several times. She still didn’t understand why I had not heard anything from the financial coordinator. Kim called again at 3 and said that she had just gotten off the phone with the coordinator and that I should be expecting a call. That call never came. I suppose if we didn’t hear anything today, there is no way I can get on the schedule for a D&C at SGF tomorrow. There’s always Thursday, I suppose and if I have to, we will wait until Friday at VCU.
However, what did come was my aunt and a delicious supper that we all enjoyed followed by a few games of throwing dice. All evening, I prepared myself for the pain and the exorbitant bleeding. I am not sure if it was all of the distractions, but it never came. Yes, there was bleeding and minor cramping but all that I could handle. I am so thankful and hopefully I can get a good night’s rest tonight and hear about potentially scheduling for Thursday tomorrow.
Last night, mom and I got to the ER and it was pretty packed. I asked the lady at the front desk about how long of a wait because I could go to another ER if necessary. I told her what was going on. She immediately got me into triage, which I thought was a good sign. After triage, we headed back out into the waiting room with the rest of Mechanicsville. I was feeling worse and worse but I didn’t want to take anymore Motrin in case that might mess things up with the doctors.
The sweetest lady called my name to get my blood and urine. I told her under my breath that I needed a pad. Dummy me, I thought that I would be back into a room by now and didn’t think at all about bringing extra of my own. The phlebotomist, Joy (very fitting), gave me a urine cup and told me to go to the bathroom. She would bring me a pad. Well, before I could even pull my underwear down, I was dripping blood all through the bathroom. It looked like a warzone. I tried to pee in the cup but all I got was blood. I’m sure that wouldn’t do any good.
I was so embarrassed when Joy came into the bathroom to offer me a pad. Instead of giving me that and moving on, she stayed in the bathroom with me, took my bloody underpants and wrapped them up so she could put them in a bag and give them to my mom and brought me another pair of disposable briefs from the hospital. I promised I would clean everything up and she said absolutely no way. She would have someone come in and clean up for me. I was so disgusted for whoever came in there to help clean. I got up what I could with toilet water and toilet paper, but some of it had already dried. It was so gross!
Joy took my eight vials of blood and sent me back to the waiting room. I am not sure how I had any blood left. Honestly, though, I never once got dizzy or lightheaded. I guess that was a plus.
Mom and I took our seats back in the waiting room. Remember, I had a brand new pad in my underwear. Within 30 minutes, I saw a wet spot on the TOP of my dress. I had on a black dress so I couldn’t tell what it was. I felt the liquid and realized it was blood by the color. I checked my arm to see if the line she put in was bleeding out. It wasn’t. I pulled my dress up a little bit and realized that it was all in between my legs. I looked at mom with absolute fear. She immediately got up and said I needed another pad if they could please get me one. Then, I happened to look at the floor in front of me. Between my legs were two pools of blood. There were splatters of blood on my ankles. Oh my gosh, I started freaking out, as did my mom. She returned to Joy and said that I needed to be seen NOW. Joy came within minutes with a wheelchair. I hadn’t cried until this moment. People were watching. When I got up to get in the wheelchair, I left a pool of blood on the seat in addition to what was on the floor. I am not sure I have ever had a more embarrassing moment. I cried and cried.
Finally, we were put into a room in the ED and the sweetest nurse was there to help. I asked about just getting a D&C and she said she thought that was probably the best bet. Then, the MD arrived. He basically said that they don’t do that routinely and that he would just ask that I follow up with my OB in the morning. WHAT? Are you kidding me? I am freaking bleeding out here and you’re not going to do anything? Apparently, my bloodwork came back fine. He was willing to call the OB Hospitalist to get their opinion, but that means he would have to do a pelvic exam. Okay, what do I care? He pulled out a few more clots and said that my cervix was open a little less than the size of a dime. I was starting to fall asleep and he finally came back saying I was being discharged. The OB also said I just needed to follow up with my OB. I just don’t get it. I wanted it over with tonight! Oh, but right before I left, they did give me two hydrocodone for the pain. So nice of them! I was a loopy mess when I got home!
Thankfully, it didn’t take me long to fall asleep, again on
a towel to try to protect the bed. Maybe
today we will get some more help.
