brief pause

Dr. Nair called Bethany this morning and followed up with a voicemail to me - unfortunately, life goes on and work comes first.  Even thought I wasn't able to speak to Dr. Nair, it was evident that she was just as sad as the rest of us that this transfer didn't come to fruition.  While we will never know the reasons as to why (nor should we contemplate them), Dr. Nair believes that my body did not have enough time to rest after the miscarriage in August/September.  Due to this, they have suggested and Bethany, Phillip and I understand that we need to take a little time out to let my body continue to heal.

This means that there will be no meds for at least a month. I will wait for my next period in 4 weeks or so and once that comes, we will talk about the next timeline for transfer.  That said, most likely, it will put us into February for another trip up to Rockville.  

It has taken me most of the day to wrap my head around this.  I am so damned impatient, but I trust Dr. Nair and also know that my body needs some time.  It has been a rollercoaster both physically and emotionally and I need to rest a little.  It is harder when I am thinking about my next shot or medicine regimen.  The more I think about it, this will be good for all of us, even though I wanted it to work yesterday.

Everything happens for a reason and I still truly believe that.

slowly but surely

Everything takes time and I have to keep that in mind.  My mood is getting better.  I was able to spend a few hours yesterday morning back out on the water and then returned home yesterday so that we could have an easy Sunday at home to prepare for the week.  While I have been telling myself (and others telling me), I am just starting to fully realize the fact that this is not my fault nor is there anything that I could have done to prevent it.  I started my period yesterday, as the nurses thought I would, and we will forge on from here.  

I still cannot get over the fact of how thankful I truly am for everyone's outpouring of love and support.  I never thought I would need so much for so long and yet we still have what looks like about another year to go.  Keep us in your prayers, y'all.  There will be a light at the end of the tunnel - eventually.

salt in the wound

In this instance, salt in the wound is helping me to get over this - at least being out in the bay to clear my mind.  On the way down to the river today, Phillip sent an email to our nurse asking about next steps and ultimately the next transfer.  This helped me to realize that while we are all distraught over the news, each of us are on board to try again.

The bay was beautiful this afternoon and provided much peace and comfort in my soul.  Meade went with me and my dad.  We only caught four rock fish and none of them were keepers.  Trolling in the winter is not my schtick, but it was actually really nice.  Returning back into Cranes Creek, the water was simply like glass and I have to share a couple of those pictures as well.

We will be okay.  It will take time.  I knew this process wasn't going to be easy, but I never thought it would be this difficult.

   

devastation sets in

I am not sure how I am feeling this morning.  Well, physically I feel like crap and I am completely devastated.  I cannot begin to imagine how Bethany and Phillip are feeling.  I have to stop questioning things, but that is the most difficult thing.  Maybe the test is wrong?  Maybe they mixed up my bloodwork with someone else’s?  I know this is not the case, but why do I still feel like shit?  Am I having ghost symptoms? 

For the first time in this process, my hope is less than it has ever been, which concerns me.  What can I do better next time?  I know in my heart we will get there and I am going to learn from this devastation eventually, but I am not there yet.  I am so tired.  I feel so gross.  I have gained weight, which adds to my feeling like shit physically and just about myself.  My mind is spiraling a little.

I begged Jacob to help me pack up the family and go to my parents.  I just need a change of scenery.  I am so thankful that Jacob obliged and we are headed that way now. 

I cannot forget how far we’ve come and even though this is another step back, we will take two more steps forward before we know it.  If I type more positive things, maybe my mind will start to believe them.  Please continue to keep all of us in your prayers.  I rarely fail and when I do, I apologize, fix the issue, and come out on the other side having a new perspective and the original successful outcome.  I can’t just apologize and fix things here.  I can work hard to get myself out of this funk and remember the hope that is deep inside my heart.  I am going to keep trying to do that. 

Thanks for reading my woe is me post.  I try to be positive, but this is real, y’all.  This is exhausting and I understand why so many people give up.  While I get that others can’t move forward any longer, I am not ready to stop.

sad thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for this year.  I have learned more about myself in the last 15 months than I ever could have imagined.  I am in a good place.  Today, finding that place is a little more difficult.  I know that Bethany, Phillip and their families are distraught.  Regardless of it all, none of us will lose hope or give up.  I knew that while Bethany and Phillip are close right now, it is not a good time to see each other considering COVID.  That said, I just felt like I couldn’t sit around and do nothing.  Instead, I baked them some cookies and dropped off a heartfelt card for them to read when they had a moment. 

I am so sad and still so confused and completely exhausted.  How?  Why?  It doesn’t make sense.  None of this matters, though.  None of us are ready to throw in the towel and persevere we will. 

It was a very nice, quaint Thanksgiving for us.  Despite all of the feelings, we had my brother and parents over for a non-traditional get together.  It was awesome without the normal stuff – we had shrimp and corn chowder, salad, rolls, and cheesecake.  Everything was delicious and of course, I ate entirely too much and felt like hell the remainder of the day.  However, it still feels like pregnancy symptoms to me.  When will they stop? 

baffled

It seemed like it took forever to Kim to call today.  And, frankly, I am taken aback.  Our pregnancy test was negative.  Bethany and I were both on the phone for the news and I just can’t believe it.  Poor Kim was pretty upset, too, hoping to give us something to be really thankful for tomorrow.  I didn’t know what to say, but I did ask about my level.  All she said was that they consider any beta level under 5 to be a negative.  There is no way!  I feel pregnant.  I am miserable.  The little shooting star was so distinct and we all saw it. 

Before we hung up, Kim mentioned that I should expect to get my period soon and then will continue, if we want, once that happens.  Of course that is what I want, yet I still don’t understand what happened (or didn’t) this time.  I am baffled.  When we hung up with Kim, Bethany called me and she was distraught.  I don’t think it has sunk in for me just yet.  I will never give up, but I just don’t understand this. 

I must stop questioning everything and forget about what I may not have done right.  I wish there were answers, but the only one that matters is that this wasn’t the right time or the right embryo.  I prayed fiercely for this transfer to work, but more importantly, I followed every prayer up with “however, if this little embryo isn’t strong enough to survive the pregnancy or have a healthy, quality life moving forward, it is best that we don’t get any further.  I remind myself that my prayers have been answered.  It is better to get a negative now than it is to get a positive with more devastation ahead. 

I pray or understanding and through my tears continue to be so very grateful for this journey.

take my blood!

Busy morning ahead!  We take the kids to their dentist appointment at 8 and then I head to get my bloodwork drawn!  I am excited to hear when the nurse calls!

smell overload

Ever since my walk this morning, my nose has been very very sensitive.  I have never noticed this with my other pregnancies, but here we are.  I asked my mom about it and she said that she had that when she was pregnant with Ricky.  For instance, when on my morning walk, I could smell neighbors doing laundry from afar and the only reason I know that is because the lovely smell of clean laundry lasted for quite some time.  Typically, we would know which house was doing laundry because we would smell it for an instance pretty close to where we were walking.  This time, it was like I smelled it for a whole street!  Smelled dog poop for quite some time, too, making me check my shoes on several occasions.  I didn’t think anything of it, but eventually I realized this was likely another sign of pregnancy.  Even at home, I could smell things from three rooms away and it was driving me nuts.  Good news, I suppose.  With this, feeling like poop and tenderness in my boobs, I will take it!

family heirlooms

One of my mom’s cousins reached out and asked if I had any interest in some family furniture that no one else seemed to want and she felt that I was one of the only ones in this generation that would truly appreciate them.  It made me feel really good to know she thought of me.  There are several things from my great aunts and great grandmother that I will get soon and others that I will take down the road. 

Looking at the furniture was fun, but listening to family stories was even better.  I shared this journey with her and she was blown away by it all and hopeful for us, too.  A really nice visit that I got to do since I am off work today and of course I love to tell people about helping to make another family!

piecing it together

Today hasn’t been much better than yesterday.  We don’t have plans so that is nice.  I started this beautiful, glittery puzzle that Bethany and Phillip gave me at the transfer.  I sat at the kitchen table much of the day, watching the kids play outside and working on the puzzle.  I made sure to finish the puzzle before I went to bed.  What is pretty special about this puzzle is that Bethany said it reminded her of me – that the lady resembled an angel that was giving back to the earth.  Sure, works for me – it is the thought that counts and it provided a few hours of fun!

feeling yucky

This morning is the first time that I have really felt awful since the transfer.  Definitely normal pregnancy feelings for me.  I am starving yet anytime I eat, I get almost an immediate headache and my tummy is very unsettled.  It is rough cycle, too.  It is somewhat like my body feels as though it will feel better if I try to eat something else, yet that never works.  Too bad my mind doesn’t realize it before I go back to the kitchen.  Or, maybe it is just a matter of little self control when I feel so crummy.

David texted and brought over additional food to go with the supper that he and Maria got for us this past Thursday – so kind of them.  I felt so bad that I didn’t want to see anyone, which I felt bad not even saying hi.  I laid down and asked Jacob if he could take both the kids to the socially distant birthday party because I didn’t think I could do it.  I started thinking about pas pregnancies and realized that if I had something else to focus on, I probably wouldn’t think about feeling so bad. 

I decided to go to the little gathering and magician show for a friend’s birthday and it was the best thing I could have done.  I don’t know if pretending I felt great or just not thinking about everything I really didn’t feel bad – there’s no telling.  Regardless, it was a few hours of reprieve – feeling just fine and enjoying watching the kids having a blast.  Once we got home and settled, my tummy was less than.  Par for the course, though and I hope it continues for months to come!

nothing new

We are 4dp5dt.  Any idea what that means?  I didn't either until I entered this world of IVF.  That suggests we are four days post a blastocyst that is aged five days and transferred.  So on the fourth day after transfer of an embryo that grew for five days before insertion.  

I am feeling no different.  This is great because I feel good!  However, I do know that during normal pregnancies I feel pretty awful.  I can't remember when I felt so yucky before or when my boobs started to get really tender.  The tenderness of my boobs has always been the first sign.  Another clear sign, that I never experienced before the miscarriage last time are tender milk ducts in my arm pits.  Very strange, but it has been indicative of a pregnancy for my two children.

I connected with Bethany briefly yesterday.  She and I are not texting several times a day like we did before.  On my end, and I think on hers, too, it is somewhat of a relief.  We both trust eachother enough to know that everything is fine and if it isn't we will make it known.  On the other hand, I think that we are both guarding ourselves a little more this time around.  I think that is healthy.  Before, we got that positive test, but then several weeks later were devastated.  Who knows what will happen this time around.  Even if we get that heartbeat, it truly is a day by day thing because miscarriages happen throughout the forty weeks of gestation.  Of course, they are much less likely in the second half of pregnancy but it doesn't mean it cannot happen.

The good news is that we are on the same page.  We will get our bloodwork results next Wednesday and go from there.  I actually like it better this time around.  I know Bethany is there if I need her, but I am not hyper focused on this all day every day.  I am going on with my life as I normally would be and it is good not to have my mind so wrapped up in the journey and all the what ifs that come along with it.  I will still try to continue to update here as we go as I know there is so much support near and far for each of us!

And, if you're wondering, based upon a calculator from Princeton, should this transfer work, we are looking at a due date in early August.  Bring it on!

a family affair

Some people look at my funny when I say that Jacob did not come with me this weekend.  Instead, my parents came along - actually, they took me.  The fact that my parents are my biggest supporters is one of the most important parts of this journey for me.  When I first approached them well over a year ago with my desire to do this, they were extremely hesitant and were worried about my health.  I have always been a giver, so they didn't question that, but never thought that I would do something like this.  We have talked many times over the last year about this journey and my devotion to my own health, the legal agreement language regarding my health, and Bethany and Phillip's continued focus to my health as well.  

I grabbed a diet coke at the local convenience store on the way out Friday and the person working commented on my appearance - I usually show up in my work out clothes, after a 5 mile walk.  Well, today was very different as I had showered and was wearing normal clothes!  The person there asked where I was headed and I told them.  She asked if I was going by myself and I said no, my parents were taking me!  He looked at me kind of funny, but I was super pleased with this answer and said that I may be 37 years old, but I will take all the help I can get.

Frankly, if Jacob really wanted to go, he would have and my parents would have stayed with the kids.  Jacob is kind of over all of this and took the day off to relax a little, get the kids to and from school and then have some time alone.  He also wasn't too keen on going up to Baltimore to see some of my mom's cousins since COVID really is strengthening everywhere.  All of this is to say that my parents and I still wanted to see our Fogarty family and decided to make the trip together.  

Friday afternoon, we made it to Mary Pat's house and had a chill evening.  I even laid down when we got there.  I just needed some downtime.  My mind was exhausted from the day.  It wasn't that stressful, but just a lot going on.  When I got up, Mom and I went for a little, slow walk around the neighborhood.  We had supper, threw some dice, and then went to bed at a pretty normal time (which is early).  Saturday morning, there was much anticipation as we were hoping to visit my 96 year old great aunt outside of her independent living facility.  Daddy and I were getting antsy so I said I needed to do something - I didn't care what, but just something.  He looked up casinos on his phone and we were all in!  We left to go to the casino and let them know we would be back by 1 to visit Aunt Charlotte.  I borrowed $100 cash from Dad, gave him the $100 back and left with $80 in my pocket - can't ask for much more than that!

We had the nicest visit, albeit with masks on, with Aunt Charlotte.  This lady is one of the sweetest, most put together ladies I have ever known. She and my maternal grandmother are sisters.  I love spending time with her and hadn't seen in her a few years.  Even though it was only about a 30 minute visit, I am so thankful to have had that time together.  

We headed back to Mary Pat's house so that her four sisters could come over, hang out, have supper, and catch up.  Again, it was the most lovely time.  I think we were all a little nervous about COVID, but we managed to still have a wonderful visit!

I miss the children and Jacob and am ready to get home, but I will cherish the time away for years to come, remembering what initiated this trip - the beginning of the next steps on this journey!  

wrist wear

A year ago, Bethany's parents sent me the beautiful angel necklace that I have literally worn everyday since, until the chain broke.  When I was on vacation last month, I was trying to wrap it around another necklace for the wedding and the chain didn't make it.  I didn't have time to do anything with it right then, so I threw it in my luggage and went on.  

As I was getting ready for transfer, I couldn't believe that I hadn't worn the angel in a month!  In my head, I think about that angel as the one we lost during the miscarriage, so it is okay.  That baby will always be in my heart, but I still need to keep it in my memory.  Thus, I found this bracelet and added it to that for now.  I don't know what I will do with the angel in the future, but I like it on my wrist, just with my "keep fucking going" bracelet.  They are so very different yet complement each other like I never would have realized.  Just another angel in our lives to help us keep going and never look back, questioning the what ifs.

the shooting star

Shoo, as I will affectionately call this embryo from now, on is seen in this short video clip.  This is a recording of the transfer.  You will see the white line in the middle grow to the left - this is the catheter being inserted further into my uterus.  Then, you will see the little Shooting Star go from the catheter and land in my uterus.  This my friends is the beautiful embryo that I am hoping to nurture for the next 9 months!

it's go time!

We got to Rockville more than an hour before we needed to be.  We stopped at Krispy Kreme and I grabbed a Diet Coke.  I called Kim just to see if she had any news on the embryo thaw.  I left her a message but told her that she didn't need to call me back.  I was just getting antsy!  I told Bethany and Phillip that I would be there super early if they wanted to get there and catch up beforehand.  I had forgotten that since the transfer was in the afternoon, Bethany had switched some of her clients to the morning.  

Mom, Dad and I just hung out.  I read, looked at my phone, just killed time.  I asked if we could go park at the SGF building at 1115 because I needed to go potty at that time to empty my bladder than then start drinking the sixteen ounces of water prior to the transfer.  We waited in the truck until Bethany and Phillip arrived and were able to talk for about 5 minutes and take a couple of pictures before I went upstairs to check in.  

As I checked in, I asked if I could meet Linda, the nurse manager.  I had brought cookies for her and her team as well as some for Dr. Nair.  As I waited in the beautiful waiting area, another sweet lady was very emotional.  We chatted a bit.  This was also her second transfer.  She was from London and it took quite a few days to travel here for the transfer - the previous transfer was done in England.  She and her husband have not been able to have children and this is another try for them.  I am not sure why she came this far, but she and I wished each other success before I was called back.  Her appointment was 15 minutes after mine.

The same lady that called me back in July did so again today.  She runs a tight ship back there getting women ready for transfers!  I had no idea how nervous I was.  I was saying the wrong things, I dropped my drivers license, instead of asking again for Linda, I asked for Gail (I was a mess to say the least).  She took me to my room and didn't tell me to do anything so I wanted to be prepared so got undressed from the waist down only be told that she didn't want me undressed yet - oops.  No worries, she said.  All of a sudden, Gail knocked on the door and I felt so stupid.  Even though Gail had helped me over the phone at some point, I really wanted to meet Linda.  Gail said she would take the cookies down to the team.

I was surprised with another knock at the door that wasn't Dr. Nair just yet.  It was Linda.  She had tears in her eyes and offered me a hug from a distance.  She said that the note and cookies were a testament to why she does what she does everyday.  It was so nice to see her in person and I am glad that I took thirty seconds to recognize Linda and her team.

Not long after, Dr. Nair came in.  The first thing she said was "I am not supposed to hug, but..." and we had an emotional embrace.  She told me how sorry she was about last time - all water under the bridge.  I tried to help her realize that everything was okay and we are very excited for this next big step.  

We got Bethany and Phillip (and my parents) on FaceTime.  The first thing was to be told that the first embryo thawed was healthy and would be transferred!  Woohoo!  They still have another embryo frozen if it is needed.  I signed that paper and the embryologist was called in to bring the embryo in the catheter.  

Dr. Nair placed the catheter, the tech had the external ultrasound going, and everyone was still watching.  Dr. Nair pushed through a little bit of saline.  I never felt anything other than the speculum insertion.  Really, people have no idea how easy the procedure really is.  Once the embryologist showed up with the embryo, Dr. Nair told us that she wasn't getting a very clear picture so we may not be able to see the transfer as well as we did last time.  I didn't care.  I didn't really feel like I could see it that well before.  Little did I know how cool this was going to be.  

I switched the facetime so that B/P, Mom and Dad could see the ultrasound screen where the catheter was identified.  Dr. Nair said we would hopefully see something shoot out in a few seconds.  It was so crazy and clear.  I didn't notice it at all last time.  I couldn't wait for it all to be over so that I could get a video of it to share.  Dr. Nair then called the embryologist to take back the catheter and ensure that the embryo no longer remained.  Success!

Only time will tell from here!

a daring ride

As we are on the ride to Rockville, I brought a couple of books with me.  I am in the backseat of my dad's truck and boy is it comfy!  If my mind wasn't going a mile a minute, I would try to take a nap.  I pulled out what I am reading for a book club at work - Dare to Lead by Brene Brown.  Boy is this lady pretty cool.  I wish we could be friends.  

I am behind reading - the chapter I am working on now was discussed yesterday but I was on PTO, so I gave myself some leeway.  I am so glad I did.  While still on a high from that impactful note from Gigi, I started reading about vulnerability.  So much of is resonated with me today and each day of this journey so far.  And, back to my earlier post, I am not invincible.  However, to succeed, I must be vulnerable.  That is okay.  It is hard, but will provide exponentially more rewards should I remain stagnant.  

In one section, this took my breath away:  

"If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fail.  Daring is not saying I am willing to risk failure.  Daring is saying I know I will eventually fail and I am still ALL IN.  I've never met a brave person who hasn't known disappointment, failure, even heartbreak...it is about having the COURAGE to SHOW UP when you can't control the outcome."

Well, my friends, this is it.  This says it all.  While I have limitless hope in my heart and the courage to be on this journey, everything is uncertain.  I did fail last time, yet I remain devoted to this.  So much of this has been a roller coaster with heartache and loops that we didn't know existed.  We have shared disappointment beyond belief.  All of this is to say that we are stronger than those things.  Those hard times will prepare us for the better times.  We keep putting one foot in front of the other, keeping the end goal in sight.  If we weren't vulnerable here, right now, where else would we be?  

I imagine we would be comfortable in our own lives wondering about what may have been.

early emotions

Sleep was a little elusive last night.  It was okay, though.  I got up around 330 instead of my normal 4am alarm to start the day, thinking that maybe I could get a longer walk in.  Prior to us leaving, I was planning on going to a friend’s house, that is a podiatrist to check out my feet – there are always issues now that I am walking a good bit.  At this point, I have a callus on my left heel that isn’t that bothersome and I also have what I believe to be a plantar wart in between my pinky toe and the next on my right foot.  This one is a pain! 

I ventured out about 25 minutes earlier than normal to walk.  I had four miles done before I met my friend Kristi to walk with her at 5 (which is my typical routine).  I completed another 3 miles with her, making it 7 today!  I am glad for that because I really should not be walking that much for the next few days once transfer is complete.  Next week I can resume, but I need to be taking it easy over the weekend.  I got rained on a little, but it was perfect.  My walks are my time with God until I meet Kristi.  I pray and pray during those first couple of miles and have candid conversations with God.  Once Kristi comes out, I have my morning therapy session – or at least I joke that Kristi
is my therapist.  Kristi brings such a different perspective to almost every situation, she is well grounded, and frankly she doesn’t judge.  It is the best of all worlds and such an awesome friend to me. 

As I often do, I grabbed the mail from the day before at the end of the walk.  Per the norm, most of it is junk mail, but there was a greeting card from one of my friends that has literally been there since we were probably four or five.  We’ve grown in different directions over the years but welcome time together when we don’t skip a beat and still enjoy each others’ company.  It is really beautiful.  Our parents have been great friends for years and years and then in our younger childhood, they moved almost across the street from us.  In my head, I thought, wow – Gigi is on top of it!  She is sending out Thanksgiving cards this year instead of Christmas cards and she is totally ahead of time!  I opened the card excited to see pictures of her beautiful family. 

There were no pictures.  Just a folded sheet of light green card stock.  In her handwriting, it simply said “Hi!” on the front.  This is interesting, I thought.  Then, I opened the card and went on to read the most beautiful note I have ever received.  Gigi put her heart on the line for no reason, just to tell me that she admires me for the person I am and that I inspire her.  I was blown away.  Through tears I read and re-read the note.  I lost it.  I was flabbergasted by the generous gesture that really means more in the world to me that most other things, especially more than anything material.  When my parents got up, I asked them to read it too – they also were dumbfounded.  I have placed this beautiful card in the book I am reading as my bookmark to be reminded often that I am doing the right things regardless of the challenges that will always lie ahead. 

I decided not to go see my friend, Julie, to get her opinion on my feet.  I felt that it was more important to not be rushed and try to relax a little bit before hitting the road.  I continued to revel in the amazing words within Gigi’s note and when I got in the backseat of my dad’s truck (yes, I am 37 and my parents are taking me to this appointment – their support is endless), I texted Gigi to let her know how much the card meant to me and the timing couldn’t have been any better.  She responded to say that she has always been inspired by me and offered her thoughts and prayers for today.  I am getting choked up again thinking about it all.  What did I do to deserve such a wonderful life?  I don’t know, but I won’t ever stop trying to do the right things to satisfy my own heart and instill the right morals in my children.

invincible

I am experiencing all of the emotions right now, most importantly trying to keep myself in check.  I am NOT invincible, which is what I felt after the last transfer.  I’ve never lost a pregnancy and won’t lose this one either.  It will go perfectly the whole time.  Now that I have experienced the miscarriage, I know all too well that this transfer could end in the same.  We never know but I have to go into this with a more open mind to failure than I had last time.  My hope overflows, but I have to be realistic, too.  I often remind myself that the data says that one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage.  Well, this will be my fourth pregnancy and I’ve already had that one.  So, if the data speaks for itself we should be fine, right?  If only it worked like that!

The nerves are real.  It is hard to explain.  The procedure is easy – I have no reservations about that.  I really have no reservations for anything to come, I just hate uncertainty.  The next several months will be a lot of that and I am preparing myself for it.  It is hard, but I have to embrace it!  My family realized my nervousness when I couldn’t stop pooting.  Remembering back to plays in high school, I will never forget that anytime before a production, I would get bad gas due to nerves.  So here we are!  I hope that I sleep well tonight, get a good walk in tomorrow, and everything goes smoothly tomorrow – Friday the 13^th!

transfer plans

I got pretty nervous today.  I was waiting to hear from Kim with our appointment time for Friday and she called but I was on a call for work so could not take it.  Then, I got an email from her asking for my weight as transfer could not be scheduled until that was in the system.  The last weigh in they had in my chart was from June.  Well, I was a nervous wreck.  Do I tell them the truth or tell them that I am at 190 – where I needed to be for the shared risk program?  Frankly, I am at 192, but will be at 190 by Friday.  I was hesitant o return anything on email to ensure there was no paper trail and called Kim and left her a message.

Toward the end of the workday, she returned my call and explained to me that the weight is only to schedule the transfer and to know where I was in case there needed to be any emergency surgery or anything. I told her where I was and I am not sure what she told the scheduler, but while we were on the phone, she gave me the time of 1215.  I need to be there at 1145.  Same routine as last time – empty my bladder an hour before my appointment and drink 16 ounces of water before the time so that the bladder is filled to the right capacity during the transfer.

It is always so wonderful to talk to Kim – I just adore her.  We already set my bloodwork appointment for November 25^th and she was quick to say that we should have something to be extra thankful for as we are with our families for Thanksgiving the following day.  I hope she is right!  I am so excited!

anniversary shot

Not the shots that I used to celebrate with, but I did take my first progesterone to the bum this morning.  Today is also Phillip and Bethany's 6th wedding anniversary.  I joked that I took a shot to the bottom to celebrate them.  Six years ago, Jacob and I decided not to go to their wedding because I was newly pregnant with Gregory and feeling like hell.  We had not yet shared this news with anyone so it made sense to stay at home, keeping my misery away from their special day.  

Here's to 12 more weeks of this shot that I will gladly take with hope and gratitude! 

10.28

I had more bloodwork and an ultrasound today to check the thickness of my uterine lining.  I am still exhausted from all of the funeral stuff, but I received wonderful news!  My uterine wall came in at a whopping 10.28mm!  This is amazing.  I believe they want it to be above 8mm and I well surpassed that.  Kim called later this afternoon to let me know that my bloodwork is beautiful as well.  

All of this is to say that transfer is still scheduled for next Friday, the 13th in Rockville, MD.  I will begin my progesterone shots Sunday (and every three days thereafter) and the progesterone vaginal inserts Monday.  We are on our way!!!

it's been a while

Everything has been a little challenging in my world lately.  My grandfather passed on October 26th and since he was transported to Florida four days prior, we had to wait to have his body embalmed and flown back before services could be had.  

We finally had his funeral today, after a visitation and Rosary service last night.  It was very nice and I think he would be happy with what was done.  I was honored to be able to speak during his funeral on behalf of the family but was surprised that I was actually delivering the eulogy when I saw the program upon arriving at the church.  From what my family said, it was very nice.  I wish I would have had some sort of thanks shown by Art's daughter, but I didn't.  That's okay.  I am going to put all of this behind us and remember that Art has been one of this journey's biggest supporters since day one and now we have another angel wholeheartedly helping on the other side to make it all happen.  I'll leave you with this sweet picture of Art, taken at his belated 90th birthday celebration this past summer.  He will live in our hearts forever!