EDIT - while I wrote this last night, I could not post until I talked with Bethany...
Today started off normal. All was good - I am tired and feel yucky, but that is part of being pregnant and I welcome it! I mean, if I am feeling like this, we are accomplishing the overarching goal here! Everything seemed normal...until I went to the bathroom around 1030am. With my wipe, I found a little bit of blood. I tried not to think much of it, but when I stood up, the water in the toilet bowl was pink, meaning that more came out than what I had realized with the wipe. I took some pictures and thought - is this it?
Everything possible was running through my head. Am I miscarrying? Does this mean that we need to wait another 7-8 weeks to try again? If so, that just means that this embryo wasn't viable enough and we will get a better one next time. But, I am fine. There are tons of ladies that post on the facebook group about spotting during pregnancy and how it is normal. Or, how it is normal NOT to spot during pregnancy. Thus, there is no normal. The only normal I know is that I did not spot at all during my two pregnancies, so that is what I have to relate to. I put a call into the nurse.
Fast forward another hour, I hadn't yet heard back from the nurse. I went to the potty again and realized that I was not spotting, but I was bleeding! No, not hemorrhaging, but bleeding, steadily bleeding. I put a call into a different nurse (keep in mind our wonderful Kim was out on PTO). With the wipe came clots and there were additional clots in the toilet. Oh shit, this is it. This is done. Jacob came in the bathroom and looked at my underpants along with me holding a wipe. I think he could tell I was about to freak out. He asked if I was alright. Trying to keep it together, I said I think so but that I thought I was going to puke - I must've been white as a ghost. He asked what he could do and I asked if he could go upstairs, grab me a panty liner and some clean underwear.
Then, the nurse called me back. The conversation was so nonchalant and I was trying to keep my shit together. She asked a million questions that I can't remember right now. However, she did ask if I was cramping. I don't know. I am a mess! My mind is telling me yes, but I do I really feel crampy? Is it all in my head? Who the heck knows. I tried to explain this to her, going a mile a minute and she asked me to calm down. I told her I was trying, trying really really hard to calm down. How was I going to explain all of this and the ultimate loss to Bethany and Phillip? The phone call was crazy but it ended with the nurse saying that I needed to go to LabCorp and have blood drawn ASAP (STAT, in the medical world). I got my stuff together at work and told them I would be back shortly. The nurse sent in the orders.
At the lab, the ladies were so nice! They noticed I was freaking out a little bit when I couldn't answer questions appropriately. When I explained everything, they just started talking to me about anything and everything and really eased my mind. I asked them how the STAT orders were handled. It was said that the blood would have to clot, which takes about 30 minutes, then the carrier would be called to grab the draw immediately and my doctor would have the results within 2 hours of that. It was around 145, so I assumed we would have results by the end of the day.
When I got home, the pantyliner I had was totally soaked through and I would need more underpants and an actual pad to get me through - this was NOT good.
At that time, I decided I would wait to see if I was still pregnant before I brought Bethany and Phillip into the mix. I was going nuts enough on my own and I didn't want them to do the same if there was truly nothing to worry about.
I went ahead and left work early, as planned, and headed to my parents house. There were no restrictions or limitations to my activity or anything else that would indicate changes to my day-to-day by the nurse. I figured having the kids down at my parents would ease my mind a little bit. I called a cousin to tell her what was going on (the only one in the know besides Jacob) and she berated me. She was so angry with the nurse that I wasn't told to immediately put my feet up as just sitting can strain the uterus. She was so frustrated that I was driving the 1.5 hours when I should have been laying down. I made it to my parents and then tried not to freak out before hearing from the nurse.
I paced around outside (outside is really the only place I get some sort of service on my cell phone there) while watching the kids play. When I couldn't wait any longer, and knowing that the nurse probably leaves for the day at 5, I called her at 445. She checked my chart and noticed that there were no results. She said she would call LabCorp and then call me back. Apparently, as it happens all to often, the draw was not run as STAT; there would not be results today. So how am I supposed to get through the weekend not knowing if I am pregnant or not?
At that point, the nurse really calmed me down. She said that bleeding happens in over 60% of her patients. It is normal and really has no impact on the viability of the pregnancy. She explained that all of the meds I have continued are being taken to thicken my uterine lining. As the embryo is burrowing to find the right place to "stick" in the lining, it creates blood that the uterus then pushes out. Since my lining is so much thicker than normal, the blood being discharged is way more than expected. In many cases (likely the case with my two pregnancies), the blood was so minimal that I didn't even realize it. She went on to say that I should limit my activity if at all possible.
I guess that eased my mind a little bit, but I was still nervous as hell. I didn't know what to do or say. My family kind of left me alone. I thought about going to get a pregnancy test, but decided against it. I will find a way to call LabCorp tomorrow and demand answers. I have to know and there is no reason why it should take longer than expected! Here's to going to bed early to try and rest!
