finding serenity

Several weeks ago, Christen, my sister-in-law and Bethany's sister, reached out to me to see if we could have some time together.  I welcomed that but then got nervous.  What if she was upset with me?  What if she wishes I never broached this subject?  What if, what if, what if...  This is how my mind works and it is really ridiculous.  Once I realized that she just wanted to chat and spend time together, my mind was put at ease.

Fast forward to today, Christen and I met downtown at part of the James River Park that I had never been to - the Pipeline Walkway.  I arrived about 45 minutes early because I was a little nervous about not being able to navigate the walkway and I also wanted to make sure I got some dedicated exercise in before we met.  Stepping down on that walkway on my own was so liberating.  I had no idea the sense of peace that would come with that 10 minute walk down the pipeline and back.  I made sure I was totally aware and mindful the entire time.  I took tons of pictures and just felt everything.  I listened to the rushing water; watched the sun glisten on the river.  It was absolutely breathtaking.  I couldn't believe I stumbled on a slice of heaven so close to home that I had never even heard about.

I walked back up awaiting Christen and trying to get some more exercise in.  When she got there, we went down on the walkway together.  She was as enamored as I was at the beauty there to experience.  We hopped off the walkway for a little bit and sat in the sand on the bank of the river for a little bit.  We talked, got a little teary, laughed, and were ourselves, together.  Beyond the environment that couldn't have been any more perfect, I am happy to have spent that time with Christen.  We eventually walked to lunch and chatted further.  I am so thankful to have had this time for me and for us.  I am going to make a point to spend more one on one time with Christen and also do some more local exploring.  Who knows what else is out there that I have yet to encounter?

"As I went down to the river to pray, studying about that good ol' way.  And who shall wear the starry crown, Good Lord, show me the way."  - Alison Krauss

keeping the faith

Y'all, my faith has been tested over the last few days.  I have been so positive throughout this whole journey and I have to keep that optimism and know that the recent hiccup is just another speed bump on this road.  I continue to pray and God keeps telling me that everything is going to be just fine.  I am trusting what he is telling me.

I swear, I have never in my life felt so connected to spirit.  The relationship with God in my heart is stronger than it has ever been.  I am thankful for that.

While I not ready to share the the current issue publicly, I will in due time, once everything is smoothed over.  I have shared what is going on with Bethany and have ensured her that I am still fully invested in this journey and 110% committed.

On a brighter note, at my weigh in this morning, I lost three more pounds.  I am down to 220 - 20 more to go for the mock cycle and 30 more total for transfer!  To top it off, I had a lovely off-site work meeting with a lady that has been a shining light in my life and career over the last decade.  She truly inspires me and has been one to teach me to trust my faith and to listen to God.  This beautiful soul is one of the reasons that I made this "offer."

When I was at Westminster Canterbury last week, I bought a few children's books at their thrift sale.  I saw this book and read it just now.  It has given me everything I need:

"There are times when I worry about what might happen next and what happened before.  The thoughts in my head are like rushing water, and I feel like a boat with no anchor...being carried away.  I give myself a moment.  I take a breath.  And then I tell myself: It's alright.  I feel the ground beneath my feet and steady myself and start to notice the HERE and the NOW.  My thoughts begin to settle.  My mind begins to clear.  I am Peace.  I can watch my worries gently pop and disappear.  I let thing go.  I can say what I feel inside out loud.  I know myself.  I can share kindness with others.  I make a difference.  I can hug a tree and thank it for its beauty and strength.  I connect to nature.  I can watch the clouds make shapes against the sky.  I know wonder.  I can taste and smell and touch and see and hear and see what is all around me.  I use my senses.  I can feel my breath fill my whole body.  I tune into me.  Now the water is still.  I have found my anchor, and everything IS alright.  I don't need to worry about before or after.  I am in THIS moment.  I am peace.  Now I share my peace with others and hope that it is carried away to those who need it.  And I dream...WE ARE PEACE."