ready freddy

I got up at the same time this morning (350am) and knew I wouldn't have time for my 5 mile walk, so I got on the stationary bike and did 5 miles there.  I showered and got myself ready for the day.  It was nice not to be rushed.  The only thing missing is my mom.  We were all set and she got on the road yesterday to spend the night here but had to turn around.  She was hit with an awful migraine, her eye closing, and could barely see straight.  My heart sank a little bit that she would not be with me, but I was so relieved when she made it home an hour later.

My dad offered to go with me, but he was out late last night with my aunt and cousin helping them.  Meade just came into the office as I put my make up on.  She saw me in my dress (by the way, with the stress over the past couple of days, I saw a beautiful dress in the window of a local boutique and checked it out online - they had it in large and I stopped by there and spent way more money than my normal goodwill finds, but I felt pretty), told me I looked beautiful and asked if I was going to the dance.  It was so darned sweet.  Well, I suppose this whole process is a dance of sorts, but today it is a means to feel better about myself and go to the doctor.  She didn't understand which is quite okay.

I will be getting on the road in a few minutes - solo.  I have found some old CDs from college and plan on singing my heart out for the next couple of ours and spending time talking to God.

My prayer remains the same, only adding that I get up there and home safely today.

mind marathon

I woke up feeling so great and ready to start the week.  Family friends of ours were scheduled to send their son over after school and I was making those plans because school was out and also offering to take their daughter for a few hours since Meade's daycare was closed, too.  Until Jacob informed me that his helper at work tested positive for COVID.  Holy shit.  This could put a wrench in everything!  His secretary at work decided it was up to Jacob to determine if he needed to get tested or not.  With the upcoming transfer and traveling with my mom, I decided we had to be proactive.  

I tried to keep my worries in.  Jacob was a disaster but I kept telling him everything was fine and if it wasn't we would get through it, just like we did all other not so great things.  I got to thinking about all of the people he may have come into contact with that would need to know.  Thankfully, he's an introvert - there were very few.  I tried to calm Jacob about the transfer and kept saying if it had to be pushed back so be it.  Inside I was trying not to freak out.  When Kim called to let me know that my appointment Wednesday is at 930 am, so I need to be upstairs at 9am, I told her of the potential snafu.  

Jacob had gone early and gotten a test at CVS.  I had never scheduled these things before though and he was told that the results would be returned in 3-5 days.  We couldn't wait that long!  We couldn't proceed with anything until we got a negative test - he is home from work, kids home from school, transfer postponed.  I needed piece of mind and answers - pronto.  I scheduled Jacob another test - a rapid one.  By 430 this afternoon, he came home with a paper from urgent care stating he was negative.  What a relief!  A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders although my mind feels like it has just run a mental marathon.  I'm tired but so very thankful that nothing would be further disrupted.

While I told Kim we would figure out the next steps if he were positive, of course I went further to ask more questions.  Apparently, one can only be on the progesterone shots for 6 days prior to transfer.  Thus, I would have to stop all medicine, get a period and start all over - this means it would have been another 7-8 weeks most likely.  Thank God for the negative test and the ability to resume some normalcy tomorrow. 

I'm joyful.  I'm tired.  I'm blessed.  I'm at peace.

pray with me

Dear Lord,

As we embark on this third transfer, I seek you to provide strength, peace, understanding, and guidance throughout the remainder of this remarkable journey.  You are the one that spoke to my heart and are the reason that Bethany and Phillip, Jacob and I are on this path.  Together, we are doing Your will to give the gift of parenthood to Bethany and Phillip.  Lord, as I pray for these next steps, I offer more gratitude that I can truly articulate.  I have learned so much about myself over the past 1.5 years as a result of this endeavor and I am grounded in more ways than I ever could have imagined.  This is because of You and the foundation You have laid for us to move forward through all of the twists and turns, joy and heartache.

Lord, I ask that You continue to be in our hearts this week as we navigate this third transfer.  I pray that this is the embryo that will outlast into beautiful life.  Lord, I am casting my net far and wide, asking that you provision what my body and our hearts can handle.  If this little embryo is the one, I am willing to carry two babies if my health is not at risk and if Bethany and Phillip can physically, emotionally and financially sustain to reap the rewards of twins.  From my end, my heart, soul and mind are all in to support two babies if that is Your will and if it will not take a toll on my health.  Lord, I don't want to be asking for too much, though.  If it is Your will for one baby, that is more than any of our hearts can desire at this time and I am more than ready to be the vessel that allows Bethany and Phillip to be what they are destined to be - Mama and Daddy.

My dear Lord, should this embryo not be strong enough to outlast, I trust that there is a reason and I pray that You help me and everyone else around me not to lose any joy or gratitude.  I pray for patience for us all and understanding that the right embryos are on the horizon - at Your will.  Lord, I know You know what lies ahead and I ask that if this third transfer is not the one, I pray that the embryo is not viable after the thaw.  This will help Bethany and Phillip to move on at a quicker pace to obtain another donor and reduce additional heartache with a failed transfer or another miscarriage. 

Lord, I cannot thank you enough for all of the supporters we have on this winding road with us.  Without them, we wouldn't have gotten this far - that is for sure.  I pray that Bethany and Phillip and their families, Jacob and me and our families and all of our amazing friends continue to seek You throughout the journey, that no one loses hope and we never fail to recognize all You have already done to set us up for success.  

My Heavenly Father, I could go on for days.  I pray all of this with sincere love and gratitude for You as you have never left our sides.  You were the catalyst and will continue to be our guide to make this all a reality.  I pray this with a heart overcome with joy and peace.  Through You all things are possible.  In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

here we go again

In a good way!  Maybe the third time is the charm?  I can only hope and pray that it is.  If it isn't I remain hopeful and pray that we all find the peace and understanding that everything will work out.  So, here's what the next few days look like for me:

• Tomorrow 2/11 Stop Lupron injections.
• 2/12 Please start your Progesterone in Oil 1 ml IM between 0600-0900 in the AM and continue every 3 days in the AM.  
• On 2/13 Start Endometrin 2 inserts, twice daily (even on the days you take the Progesterone injections). 
• On 2/15 You will get update for transfer time and instructions.
• 2/17 Frozen transfer in Rockville. 
• 3/2 Continue medications without any changes and schedule your pregnancy test for this day.

in the thick of it

Well, I must still wait for a call from the nurse today, but as I leave my appointment, I am happy to say that my uterine lining was at 11mm this morning!  This is great - it needs to be more than 8 for transfer!  I hope that Kim notifies us with good news later today based upon the labs and we will remain on track for a transfer next Wednesday, the 17th.  If she doesn't I pray that we all find peace and understanding that everything will work out when it is supposed to.

green light

I had my appointment this morning!  One good thing about these constant visits is that all of the ladies in the lab now know me by name and they are always quick to take me back and get me going!  This morning was no different.  My appointment was at 830.  I got there maybe 10 minutes early and was out the door after both bloodwork and the ultrasound by 838!  On top of that, the RVA office of SGF has a new nurse practitioner that I have seen during my last two appointments.  She is absolutely lovely, and so quick!  I adore her.  She also has worked with Dr. Nair in the past, as she came to the Richmond office by way of the Northern Virginia ones.  It helps that she has had interaction with my devoted doctor in the past.

Kim called to follow up this afternoon - everything is good to go!  My progesterone and estrogen levels are back at the baseline and so is my lining (4mm).  My ovaries have several follicles - not that any of those are necessary - and both are "quiet."  Kim confirmed that I begin taking the oral estrogen today, reduce the units of my belly injections and follow up for another round of testing in two weeks.  Assuming all goes well then, we will start the vaginal and IM progesterone and prepare for transfer on the 17th!

all about the benjamins baby

Of course, because our timeline has been stretched, I will need another vial of Lupron.  I have been putting off ordering it and even asked Kim if I could just go back to one of the older vials to get me through to transfer.  She adamantly stated that I throw the vial from November away, because of course it could get contaminated anytime the refrigerator is opened.  Yeah, okay, I get it.  Just calling and putting the order in was crushing - another FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!  I feel so bad that due to my body not being ready, Bethany and Phillip have to incur more expenses.  Thankfully, they don't allow me to have any guilt and sent me the reimbursement already.

Hopefully I can write tomorrow with more definite plans for the transfer!