I got a "sneak peek" at some family photos that Bethany and Phillip had taken. I am in awe. This is the reason I began the journey to help them. Look at this most beautiful family! No one can ever take this gesture away from me and while it still doesn't feel like I was a part of it, I am thrilled that I was able to help.
Bethany looks amazing and poor Phillip, so happy, looks utterly exhausted. Welcome to parenthood, my friends!
Today was a big day and I am utterly exhausted. It started with a trip with the kids to Target. What was I thinking? Oh, I wanted them to pick out some special things for Sarah for her birthday later this week. I am not the target type - at all! So, my children very rarely go there. It was so funny to see Meade in awe, squealing that it was the best place ever.
Since they have been going through the motions with us, I said that they could each get a toy that was under five dollars. Hah - that was a feat. I think I spent almost $40 on two things - one for each of them. It took forever for each of them to pick out what they wanted and I was beyond over it. Finally, I let Gregory go in the boy aisle and was with Meade in the girl aisle. Bad idea. I don't think about kids stealing children or anything of the sort, so when I went looking for Gregory, I got a little worried. A couple of different gentleman both pointed to aisles WAY far down from where we were. There are definitely still good people in this world!
While the trip to Target wasn't necessarily fun for me. It warmed my heart to see the kids so excited to pick out items for Sarah. The fact that they really think about what she may want (but also what they like) is sweet.
Jacob's uncle from Florida is in town and Nana was planning to get us all together for lunch. Jacob decided that he would prefer to host at our house, which makes sense for the room aspect as well as letting the kids be kids down in the basement so that the adults could have time without the constant chaos that always ensues.
Jacob and I tag teamed cleaning in the house. I couldn't do too much, but I tried to tidy up the main floor and vacuum. Jacob also worked on the yard.
Nana and her beau were here early to set up. They literally brought everything. I didn't have to lift a finger. I felt bad that she had to do all of that - it was like she packed her entire kitchen on top of all of the food. Anything to make Jacob happy right now. It was good to have that floor separation with the kids, though.
The visit was wonderful as was the simple food that Nana brought. It was so nice to catch up with Uncle Jack and learn about his new routine in Florida. I think it is so awesome that he volunteers with a horse stable that caters to special needs kids at certain times. Uncle Jack walks around the horses with those children and is able to see them light up in that environment. It must be so rewarding.
As we sat around and chatted, it was funny because people often rolled their eyes at Jacob. Nana asked how I dealt with him and some of the crazy things he says. I told her that I used to argue with him, but now I just sit back and say nothing. She told us of something she and others had said in the past - "TSTR." When I inquired, it is apparently, too stupid to respond. I like that and feel as if that is how I often approach some of these conversations.
Nana did most all of the clean up, too. When it was time for everyone to depart, my cousins, Christopher and Angie arrived with supper. A delicious baked ziti, salad, rolls, and rainbow cookies for the children. Even as adults, we love the Ukrop's rainbow cookies. They were only here a few minutes, but my parents and Sarah showed up in time to see them. It was good for us all to catch up a little bit. I am so glad that Mom is back for the next week. If only Dad and Sarah could stay, too.
We had a nice supper thanks to my cousin and his wife. Mom and Dad made ice cream pies and we sang happy birthday to both me and Sarah, a little surprise for her. Gregory was beyond excited to present her with her bag of presents. I think she liked most of it! Nothing like letting young children pick everything out!
So, big day in these parts. Mom and I looked at the calendar for the week and now we are headed off to bed to hopefully get some rest.
Well, what is "normal" anymore? I don't know. Without Mom, we tried to find some normalcy in our day. Gregory had a soccer game this morning and so we went as a family. I am slow walking out to the field, but it was good to get out. If only the sun was shining. It was freezing out there with the wind. Gregory was a jackass on the field - not paying attention and when he was, he wasn't hustling. I think all of the kids were a little off because of the chill.
I ended up taking a long nap on the couch and Jacob did everything with the children - thank goodness for him. My body is still pretty sore, but I don't have to take the pain meds around the clock anymore, which is nice.
This evening, a family friend and now colleague, dropped off supper to us from a local BBQ joint. Jacob was so happy to have some man food for supper. I will tell you, nothing beats well seasoned (i.e. bacon) green beans! I could have eaten the whole pint of those on my own. It was really nice to see Sarah and get a hug from her. Even though she delivered, the meal was provided by my team at work that I left in July. While I'm no longer working directly with them, they remain great friends and now support to me.
As much as we needed a break, I miss my parents. I want my Mom back. I wish we could all be together.
Today has been rough for Mom and me. I think that we both don't want to part ways this evening, but know that it is important. We had made plans to meet Dad in Tappahannock so he didn't have to drive the full way here, yet, Mom called him crying early to say she needed to be home sooner.
Together, we have been crying a lot today. It started when Mom helped Meade get her helmet off after taking Gregory to the bus stop and her neck got pinched. Meade started crying so Mom followed suit. Neither of us could get it together. There was no fault by anyone, but we were just starting to feel the intensity of the last two weeks and the fact that we haven't even begun to process anything.
Of course, Dad didn't realize the need to get here ASAP, but instead took his time and got here early afternoon. Poor mom was struggling the entire morning. We got through Meade's Zoom calls just barely and continued to wait.
It is good we are expressing our emotions, for sure. I think the weekend away from each other will be good for both of us. She and Dad need time together. I need time with Jacob. I am looking forward to when she comes back Sunday, though.
There's no way to explain how conflicted I am right now. I have experienced the lowest of the lows and the highest of the highs over the past week and I still can't feel either of them yet. All I can think is that my heart is frozen. Maybe one day it will thaw?
As I got up to pee last night before Jacob came to bed, I saw the children both in my bed, sleeping peacefully. That provided me some comfort and a smile. It was as if I could feel some emotions, but the ones I wanted to feel were eluding me.
Dad and Sarah came this morning, but couldn't stay too late this afternoon because it is his monthly poker night with his buddies out in the Northern Neck. The best part of the day was that Bethany, Phillip and Makenna were going to stop by for a little bit, too. Oh, I couldn't wait for Daddy to meet Makenna. His heart is going to be so full.
When the new little family arrived, we welcomed them into our sun room, which we hadn't used yet since being in this new house. The heat was on and it was a perfect spot to be together. Dad held Makenna first. Seeing him with her, watching tears stream down his face, melted my heart a little. I was thankful for that and also shed a few tears.
The children were able to see the baby for the first time and while Gregory was fine to be on his way, Meade was in love, trying to touch her all over. They were wearing masks and only allowed to touch her feet for now. I love how sweet and protective Meade is being, but I also love how Bethany and Phillip are standing their ground with Meade, when she gets too close or tries to touch Makenna not on her socks.
I couldn't have asked for a better visit. It was heartwarming and I think did all of us a lot of good. It meant so much that Bethany and Phillip were comfortable coming over here with a five day old to say hi and bring us so much joy.
This evening, both of the children had their activities - Meade goes to dance class and Gregory has Ninja Monkeys. Our friend, Lindsay, picked up mom and Meade so that they could together go to dance without either of us driving. It was nice to have a few minutes to myself and I laid down on the coach for about 45 minutes. I think I needed that. Mom enjoyed watching Meade dance, too, so it was a win for us all.
None of this would be possible without the constant help and support from others. The past two days have been tough physically and emotionally, but thanks to Nana and Aunt Shug here to help me and Mom, they have been bearable.
Never once have I felt like I had to be up and on top of things. Everyone else just took care of everything. We are continuing to get flowers, meals, etc. and it is nice to not have to be there to greet everyone. Sunday, Dad and Sarah had brought the collage that my cousin's wife, Angie, had made for the funeral home. I am delighted and sad at the same time when I peek at that each time walking through the kitchen. It is perfect and so sweet. I love it.
Physically, today has been rough. I woke up with two bowling balls on my chest. It was hard to breathe and I wasn't sure what was going on until I rolled over and realized that those bowling balls were my boobs. My milk had never really come in with my two so this was new territory for me. Aunt Shug came around 11 and we asked her to grab cabbage for me to put in my bra. I will do anything at this point.
I also called Dr. C and left a message to see if I could get the prescription to help dry up the milk. On top of the boobs being engorged, tight, and unbearably sore, the ducts that I have had in my arm pits the entire pregnancy are the same. They are awful. It hurts so bad to put deodorant on. In looking at them, they are so tight and rigid. It is hard to explain. I am thankful I haven't had to deal with this before and feel for all the other moms that have. What a disaster! I am hoping that the nurse calls back with that prescription soon.
Aunt Shug drove me over to vote. While it wasn't super painful, I was just slow and we told them that I had just had surgery so I would move a little slower than normal. Everyone was fine with it. Mr. Bruce and Ms. Sue, our across the street neighbors that actually know Uncle Bobby from coaching days and then we realized graduated from Bridgewater with Nana and Mr. Tulli, are bringing over a pizza for supper tonight.
I know I have said it before, but our village is the best. It continues to widen and we couldn't be more appreciative for all of the love provided in addition to everything else.
