I swear the "i'll give a shit later" box does help me. Within a few hours, the attorney had responded that she doesn't want any money up front but that everything will be discussed during our consult next week. She was very nice and I think was understanding in the fact that I just need knowledge as we continue to go down this path.
Looking forward to our consult next week!
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
i'll give a shit later
Things are continuing to progress nicely. I got word from the nurse yesterday that I needed to call the pharmacy to schedule my medications. Everything is scheduled to be delivered Thursday! Crazy! We still have to wait for my cycle to start these, but we are on track! Because things are moving along, we need to get on the books with an attorney.
I have been told by several people in Richmond that I need to retain a specific lawyer here that focuses on surrogacy and assisted reproduction. She has been so kind and has answered many questions via phone and offered her assistant to speak to me further on other items. Yesterday I finally reached out to say we are ready to schedule. With that email, I also asked several questions. I mean, it wouldn't be in Julia Meade fashion if I didn't have millions of questions because I refuse to go into something not knowing.
I have been told by several people in Richmond that I need to retain a specific lawyer here that focuses on surrogacy and assisted reproduction. She has been so kind and has answered many questions via phone and offered her assistant to speak to me further on other items. Yesterday I finally reached out to say we are ready to schedule. With that email, I also asked several questions. I mean, it wouldn't be in Julia Meade fashion if I didn't have millions of questions because I refuse to go into something not knowing.
This morning I woke up to a very direct, somewhat harsh email from the attorney. There were some items that I was misunderstood on from my notes way back when and I was happy to apologize. Regardless, it set me back a little bit. Now that I have gone to the gym and reflected a little bit, I realize she is still the best person to represent me. She is a lawyer, they are direct and harsh and lay it all on the table. This is what we need. I need to get over my feelings and remember why I need her. I guess what bothered me the most is that she mentioned that she has gone out of her way to guide us without retaining her yet plus she offers a discount for compassionate carrier arrangements.
While I am a pain in the ass and seek to understand everything, I get her point. Her time is valuable. Thus, I responded asking to schedule a consultation and offering to pay for an hour and a half of her normal billable rate in the meantime because she has been so kind and forthcoming. I guess even with that, I am still frustrated. So, that is where this little "i'll give a shit later" box comes in.
We all know I stew over stupid shit. So, I am writing this post and putting the email into my box because I am not going to let it ruin my day. I look forward to her response and getting a consultation on the books!
The paper is folded up and down the hatch it went! If you don't have one of these, I suggest making one PRONTO! Boy does it help me to have something tangible as I cannot always "let it be."
Sunday, December 29, 2019
bethany's words
Bethany recently shared a poem she had written last year this time on Facebook. I found it so telling and poignant that I felt we should all see it to get a very small glimpse into her and Phillip's hearts over the past several years:
A defeated mom tried with all her might
To tackle infertility, a seemingly endless fight.
At first it was hot flashes that led to devastating news,
"You can't bear your own children," this she would never choose.
"But there is help for women like you,
"Donated eggs are something to do."
Let's try this option, she said with cautious hope.
Maybe insurance will help, but that was a nope.
"It's not medically necessary for you to conceive,"
They said it so coldly this she could hardly believe.
For weeks thereafter she fell apart.
She couldn't imagine how to start.
But then came hope from Shady Grove.
Their shared risk program was a treasure trove.
"You're in good health to carry a baby,"
They sounded so sure, there was no "maybe."
So she mustered the strength to tackle their list.
Procedures, appointments, you get the jist.
The first mock cycle was the worst.
Pumped full of hormones she had a mental burst.
911 was called and an ambulance came.
But it was a panic attack, she realized in shame.
Then came a blow, she wasn't prepared
"You have some fluid, so the risk can't be shared."
One round was possible so they invested away.
Their donor was picked, now it was time to pray.
Their first transfer was approaching, finally, at last.
But five days before, it was cancelled so fast.
"We can't move forward, your body isn't excelling,
Let's do a painful biopsy, the results will be telling."
The results took three weeks to be received,
But the doctor was happy, they were relieved.
Then came the unfreezing of their eggs, there were ten.
But only two made it, bad news once again.
Out of those two, neither fully matured
But the doctor said to move on, they were assured.
Finally came the day to have their one chance
They would regret it if they didn't, was their stance.
The doctor carefully placed the "bros "in her womb,
Fingers were crossed in hopes they would bloom.
Two grueling weeks went by so slow
No exercise, no alcohol, no coffee, lay low.
Then came the call at two fifteen December third
Neither embryo made it that had been transferred.
"I wanted this for you" said the nurse sadly
They now knew it was over, it hurt so badly.
Thousands of dollars were lost and so was hope,
How would they ever recover, move forward and cope?
With a heart full of dread, the mom sat in defeat.
Their journey with treatments, was sadly complete.
She'll never experience pregnancy and all its glory
Her husband will never read her belly a good night story.
No singing to a tummy, growing with pride
No holding her husband's hand by her bed side
No delivery, no amazement as they hear the first cry
No staring at their baby their hearts on a high.
But love and support has helped them make it through
One day they will have a family, this she knows to be true.
So even though this chapter is closed with grief
There's a child out there for them, this is their hopeful belief.
Defeated no more. Together we've got this!
A defeated mom tried with all her might
To tackle infertility, a seemingly endless fight.
At first it was hot flashes that led to devastating news,
"You can't bear your own children," this she would never choose.
"But there is help for women like you,
"Donated eggs are something to do."
Let's try this option, she said with cautious hope.
Maybe insurance will help, but that was a nope.
"It's not medically necessary for you to conceive,"
They said it so coldly this she could hardly believe.
For weeks thereafter she fell apart.
She couldn't imagine how to start.
But then came hope from Shady Grove.
Their shared risk program was a treasure trove.
"You're in good health to carry a baby,"
They sounded so sure, there was no "maybe."
So she mustered the strength to tackle their list.
Procedures, appointments, you get the jist.
The first mock cycle was the worst.
Pumped full of hormones she had a mental burst.
911 was called and an ambulance came.
But it was a panic attack, she realized in shame.
Then came a blow, she wasn't prepared
"You have some fluid, so the risk can't be shared."
One round was possible so they invested away.
Their donor was picked, now it was time to pray.
Their first transfer was approaching, finally, at last.
But five days before, it was cancelled so fast.
"We can't move forward, your body isn't excelling,
Let's do a painful biopsy, the results will be telling."
The results took three weeks to be received,
But the doctor was happy, they were relieved.
Then came the unfreezing of their eggs, there were ten.
But only two made it, bad news once again.
Out of those two, neither fully matured
But the doctor said to move on, they were assured.
Finally came the day to have their one chance
They would regret it if they didn't, was their stance.
The doctor carefully placed the "bros "in her womb,
Fingers were crossed in hopes they would bloom.
Two grueling weeks went by so slow
No exercise, no alcohol, no coffee, lay low.
Then came the call at two fifteen December third
Neither embryo made it that had been transferred.
"I wanted this for you" said the nurse sadly
They now knew it was over, it hurt so badly.
Thousands of dollars were lost and so was hope,
How would they ever recover, move forward and cope?
With a heart full of dread, the mom sat in defeat.
Their journey with treatments, was sadly complete.
She'll never experience pregnancy and all its glory
Her husband will never read her belly a good night story.
No singing to a tummy, growing with pride
No holding her husband's hand by her bed side
No delivery, no amazement as they hear the first cry
No staring at their baby their hearts on a high.
But love and support has helped them make it through
One day they will have a family, this she knows to be true.
So even though this chapter is closed with grief
There's a child out there for them, this is their hopeful belief.
Defeated no more. Together we've got this!
Thursday, December 26, 2019
how can you help?
We all need a little help here and there. I imagine there is not one of us that have had a life of perfection and/or times when we weren't in need. Whether those needs are emotional, physical, or financial, we have all struggled. While I don't ever like to ask as I am severely independent, I know that we all can be assisted throughout the next year. How can you help us on this journey?
Pray. The most important thing is prayers. Pray for strength for all of us. Talk to the big Man about our journey and ask that he watch over us and let it continue to go smoothly. We know this is His doing, but we are doing everything in our power to ensure we are honoring Him in the process. Pray that each step of the way allows for the next, continuing our journey to a sweet little baby. Pray for my body that everything works well and creates a viable pregnancy. Pray for Bethany and Phillip that they continue to feel peace with the journey and that they can be with us throughout the pregnancy as much or as little as they wish. Pray for Jacob. Jacob is my number one support and knows that carrying isn't super easy. He often takes the brunt of it. Pray that Gregory and Meade will be understanding of the baby in my belly and that it is Aunt Bethany and Uncle Phillip's baby. Pray that throughout the time we are pregnant that they are able to educate others, nothing gets to the point better than toddlers! Pray for all of our parents. Every single one of them worries about our health, the journey, potential further devastation, and a healthy baby. Pray for the rest of our families. This isn't easy on anyone but sure is bringing us closer together by the day. Pray that we understand and find solace in each step, regardless of how easy or difficult it may be. Pray for the physicians, clinicians, and medical teams supporting each of us. This may be their daily environment, but no one IVF treatment, body, pregnancy, or well-being of us all is one in the same. Lastly, pray for our patience and trust in Him.
Support. Offer kind words. Check in for no reason. To feel loved and appreciated is one thing that will give us all strength throughout the next year (and hopefully by that time, our journey will be complete). Send positive thoughts without reaching out - we will feel them, I promise. Listen - we may have good days and bad days. Some days we might just need someone to talk it over with. Don't offer suggestions, but be attentive and supportive regardless of the good, the bad, or the ugly. Find ways to advocate for others that may be in similar situations. Have you known someone else that has gone through their own IVF/surrogacy journey? Offer to make those connections. One thing that helps me most is listening to others that have walked these steps before me.
Donate. If you are in a spot in your life where you have a little extra disposable income, be willing to share with Phillip and Bethany. None of this is cheap. Last year, when their hope of a family with genetic DNA was no longer, Phillip and Bethany still had to come to the realization that they were out probably over $40K. How could they even try again knowing the expenses are so high? While I am not accepting any payment for my part in this, the entire process will still cost them well over $50K. Bethany and Phillip's dear friends set up an account to help them ease some of the financial stress. I am so happy to say that over in just a few days, almost $7K has been raised. How amazing is that? Together, I know there are plenty more people out there willing to pass along a little help, they just have to be aware of the journey. Here is their GoFundMe account. Donate and/or share as you can and see fit. All I ask is that I am not identified as their carrier just yet. Now is not the right time, but it will be soon enough.
As I said, I struggle to ask, but after seeing my grandfather on Christmas Eve, with tears in his eyes and a huge smile on his face, write a check to Bethany and Phillip for one thousand dollars I realized that others do want to help and sometimes providing a financial gift is the easiest for them. One. Thousand. Dollars. Just think, if we all chipped in a little, the financial pressure of it all can be eased considerably. Maybe you have gone through something similar and want to help them? Maybe you had no struggles creating your own family but couldn't imagine facing the roller coaster they have been on for five years? Maybe you just have a generous heart and the financial means to give something - no amount is too little.
If you're anything like me, giving is far better than receiving. At the end of this, with all of your prayers, support, and donations, I cannot wait to give Bethany and Phillip their sweet, sweet bundle of joy, made possible by all of you.
Pray. The most important thing is prayers. Pray for strength for all of us. Talk to the big Man about our journey and ask that he watch over us and let it continue to go smoothly. We know this is His doing, but we are doing everything in our power to ensure we are honoring Him in the process. Pray that each step of the way allows for the next, continuing our journey to a sweet little baby. Pray for my body that everything works well and creates a viable pregnancy. Pray for Bethany and Phillip that they continue to feel peace with the journey and that they can be with us throughout the pregnancy as much or as little as they wish. Pray for Jacob. Jacob is my number one support and knows that carrying isn't super easy. He often takes the brunt of it. Pray that Gregory and Meade will be understanding of the baby in my belly and that it is Aunt Bethany and Uncle Phillip's baby. Pray that throughout the time we are pregnant that they are able to educate others, nothing gets to the point better than toddlers! Pray for all of our parents. Every single one of them worries about our health, the journey, potential further devastation, and a healthy baby. Pray for the rest of our families. This isn't easy on anyone but sure is bringing us closer together by the day. Pray that we understand and find solace in each step, regardless of how easy or difficult it may be. Pray for the physicians, clinicians, and medical teams supporting each of us. This may be their daily environment, but no one IVF treatment, body, pregnancy, or well-being of us all is one in the same. Lastly, pray for our patience and trust in Him.
Support. Offer kind words. Check in for no reason. To feel loved and appreciated is one thing that will give us all strength throughout the next year (and hopefully by that time, our journey will be complete). Send positive thoughts without reaching out - we will feel them, I promise. Listen - we may have good days and bad days. Some days we might just need someone to talk it over with. Don't offer suggestions, but be attentive and supportive regardless of the good, the bad, or the ugly. Find ways to advocate for others that may be in similar situations. Have you known someone else that has gone through their own IVF/surrogacy journey? Offer to make those connections. One thing that helps me most is listening to others that have walked these steps before me.
Donate. If you are in a spot in your life where you have a little extra disposable income, be willing to share with Phillip and Bethany. None of this is cheap. Last year, when their hope of a family with genetic DNA was no longer, Phillip and Bethany still had to come to the realization that they were out probably over $40K. How could they even try again knowing the expenses are so high? While I am not accepting any payment for my part in this, the entire process will still cost them well over $50K. Bethany and Phillip's dear friends set up an account to help them ease some of the financial stress. I am so happy to say that over in just a few days, almost $7K has been raised. How amazing is that? Together, I know there are plenty more people out there willing to pass along a little help, they just have to be aware of the journey. Here is their GoFundMe account. Donate and/or share as you can and see fit. All I ask is that I am not identified as their carrier just yet. Now is not the right time, but it will be soon enough.
As I said, I struggle to ask, but after seeing my grandfather on Christmas Eve, with tears in his eyes and a huge smile on his face, write a check to Bethany and Phillip for one thousand dollars I realized that others do want to help and sometimes providing a financial gift is the easiest for them. One. Thousand. Dollars. Just think, if we all chipped in a little, the financial pressure of it all can be eased considerably. Maybe you have gone through something similar and want to help them? Maybe you had no struggles creating your own family but couldn't imagine facing the roller coaster they have been on for five years? Maybe you just have a generous heart and the financial means to give something - no amount is too little.
If you're anything like me, giving is far better than receiving. At the end of this, with all of your prayers, support, and donations, I cannot wait to give Bethany and Phillip their sweet, sweet bundle of joy, made possible by all of you.
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
christmas adam
When our family sat down with Bethany, Phillip, and Phillip's parents - David and Maria - several months ago, they suggested we come to their "Christmas Adam" party. I love parties so I was all in. Food for thought - because Adam comes before Eve and Christmas Eve is the 24th, their party is always held on the 23rd.
Jacob and I had discussed getting a sitter, but instead he opted to stay home. This week is a busy week without a new party to start it off and if it could help Jacob make it through the rest of the festivities to rest at home, I totally understood.
A new event, one that we were going to openly share our journey...I was definitely nervous but more excited. I didn't think I would know anyone other than Bethany, Phillip and their parents. I showed up to their beautiful home and had such a warm welcome. Family members I had never met before shared the best hugs with me! Before I could get through the foyer, an old, dear friend walked up the steps with her beautiful family. Sarah and I worked together many moons ago and I always adored her. We probably hadn't seen each other in ten plus years! She was just as sweet as ever and it turns out she is David and Maria's next door neighbor - small, small world.
So, I spent the evening meeting tons of new people, eating delicious food, learning the traditions of the party, sharing the story of our journey, and being welcomed by everyone. I parted with a heart so full. Everyone there was as lovely as they could be. The ones that knew that I was going to be their gestational carrier vowed their positive thoughts and prayers throughout the rest of the journey. Many of us shared how we couldn't wait until next year's party when there would hopefully be a sweet baby to love on. The entire experience was one that I never could have expected. It was simply amazing. The love and beauty in their home was overwhelming. My heart is happy and I know that we are on this journey with so much more support than I ever could have imagined!
Jacob and I had discussed getting a sitter, but instead he opted to stay home. This week is a busy week without a new party to start it off and if it could help Jacob make it through the rest of the festivities to rest at home, I totally understood.A new event, one that we were going to openly share our journey...I was definitely nervous but more excited. I didn't think I would know anyone other than Bethany, Phillip and their parents. I showed up to their beautiful home and had such a warm welcome. Family members I had never met before shared the best hugs with me! Before I could get through the foyer, an old, dear friend walked up the steps with her beautiful family. Sarah and I worked together many moons ago and I always adored her. We probably hadn't seen each other in ten plus years! She was just as sweet as ever and it turns out she is David and Maria's next door neighbor - small, small world.
So, I spent the evening meeting tons of new people, eating delicious food, learning the traditions of the party, sharing the story of our journey, and being welcomed by everyone. I parted with a heart so full. Everyone there was as lovely as they could be. The ones that knew that I was going to be their gestational carrier vowed their positive thoughts and prayers throughout the rest of the journey. Many of us shared how we couldn't wait until next year's party when there would hopefully be a sweet baby to love on. The entire experience was one that I never could have expected. It was simply amazing. The love and beauty in their home was overwhelming. My heart is happy and I know that we are on this journey with so much more support than I ever could have imagined!
it's verified - i'm not THAT crazy
I got a call today from Laura, the psychologist. She prefaced the call that everything is good to go, however, there were some concerning questions/answers we needed to go over. Uh oh, what does that mean? She did say everything was fine, but man my head was going a mile a minute!
Laura explained that the 567 question, true/false test came out good and was consistent but there were a few outliers. This is normal as one can easily fill in the incorrect bubble. Who wouldn't fuck up a few times on 567 damn questions? Regardless, she needed to go through those items for me to explain better. Some of this is kind of comical, so I thought I would share those answers that I provided that didn't jive with what Laura considers "normal."
Laura explained that the 567 question, true/false test came out good and was consistent but there were a few outliers. This is normal as one can easily fill in the incorrect bubble. Who wouldn't fuck up a few times on 567 damn questions? Regardless, she needed to go through those items for me to explain better. Some of this is kind of comical, so I thought I would share those answers that I provided that didn't jive with what Laura considers "normal."
- You are a high strung person. TRUE. Is that true? Um, yes, of course it is! I definitely don't sit still. I am determined beyond belief. I have a hard time relaxing. I work a little bit better under pressure. So, yes, I do consider myself high strung.
- You often go to sleep at night with thoughts that bother you. TRUE. Well, clearly here, I answered this incorrectly. There is no explanation other than I filled in the wrong bubble.
- I see animals, people, and other things that other people do not see. TRUE. Here again, I completely shaded the wrong bubble. It is destined to happen with 567 freaking questions! Life might be more interesting if this were true, but I guess I am thankful it is not.
- I feel that strangers have looked at me and judged me. TRUE. Absolutely, and unfortunately, we live in a very very judgmental world. As sad as it is, I have definitely felt that way. Being obese my entire life, I have often felt this way. Now, as a mother, I think that people judge my parenting. Let them all judge - everyone does things differently and while it may not be best for one person, it might be for another. But, yes, this is totally true.
- In school, I was sent to the principal's office. TRUE. Who hasn't? While I may have been the trophy child, I am also very stubborn and determined. When Laura asked why I was sent to the office, I told about the first and the last times: In kindergarten I was sent because I was dancing on the table during nap time. As a senior, I was sent because I refused to put my SSN on some stupid survey one of the teachers was doing for another organization. There were many, many other times in between, but who cares?!
- I do not blame people for trying to get all they can. TRUE. Why would I blame others for getting all they can? I strive to be and get all I can out of life. Isn't that what we all should do? There is a distinct difference in getting what you can and taking advantage. I do blame others for taking advantage, but that is not what this question was asking.
- I have been in trouble with the law. TRUE. Embarrassingly, yes, this is true. I got a DUI several years ago, in one of my worst phases of life. Laura didn't have an issue because we had already discussed the awful time in life as well as the DUI.
- I have had fainting spells. TRUE. Yep, here again, I have fainted. In college, I went through a couple of years where I probably fainted half a dozen times. There was never any consistency or reasoning that the doctors could explain. Thankfully, I have not had this issue since that time in my life.
- I am easily awakened by noise. TRUE. Strange question, but I am a light sleeper. Not sure why this would be an outlier, but whatever.
These were the ones that Laura wanted to discuss. What I learned from this is that every question is truly up for to the takers' interpretation. Who knows how many I actually filled out wrong on my end but were what the "experts" wanted to hear? No one will ever know! ;) Once discussed, Laura found no issues. All is well and we will go back up to NoVA for our group counseling session next week!
Sunday, December 22, 2019
ready to ride
From an outsider's perspective, it is likely hard to understand all of the logistics that has to go into this. I was delightfully surprised when I opened email tonight to see contact from our nurse this past Friday. Here is a brief snippet of what the next steps are (aside from my MFM consultation, the remaining psychological sessions, executing legal agreements...I could go on and on):
I will call in the prescription for the Estrogen and Progesterone medication to a Fertility Specialty pharmacy called RARx. They will contact you to coordinate delivery of the medications to your house.
So, onto the next steps. One thing at a time. I will keep taking these steps as they come and so look forward to the end result later next year, if we are lucky enough to carry a sweet child without issue!
My name is Stephanie and I am the nurse who will
be working with you. I have been working with Bethany and Phillip for a while
and they are the sweetest couple. I understand all went well yesterday which
is wonderful.
Please let me know when your next menses
starts (full flow) and I will get you prepared for the medicated mock cycle.
You will need to have a baseline blood HCG (pregnancy test) done on day 2, 3
or 4 of menses prior to starting the mock cycle which consists of estrogen medication
for about 2 weeks followed by a blood work/ultrasound to measure the
endometrial thickness. How far do you live from the Richmond office? You may go
to this office for monitoring or any Shady Grove office that is convenient for
you.
Depending on the
results of the 2 weeks on estrogen medication you will be instructed to start
an oral form of Progesterone called Provera but I will give you instructions.I will call in the prescription for the Estrogen and Progesterone medication to a Fertility Specialty pharmacy called RARx. They will contact you to coordinate delivery of the medications to your house.
So, onto the next steps. One thing at a time. I will keep taking these steps as they come and so look forward to the end result later next year, if we are lucky enough to carry a sweet child without issue!
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