bethany's words

Bethany recently shared a poem she had written last year this time on Facebook. I found it so telling and poignant that I felt we should all see it to get a very small glimpse into her and Phillip's hearts over the past several years:

A defeated mom tried with all her might
To tackle infertility, a seemingly endless fight.
At first it was hot flashes that led to devastating news,
"You can't bear your own children," this she would never choose.

"But there is help for women like you,
"Donated eggs are something to do."
Let's try this option, she said with cautious hope.
Maybe insurance will help, but that was a nope.

"It's not medically necessary for you to conceive,"
They said it so coldly this she could hardly believe.
For weeks thereafter she fell apart.
She couldn't imagine how to start.

But then came hope from Shady Grove.
Their shared risk program was a treasure trove.
"You're in good health to carry a baby,"
They sounded so sure, there was no "maybe."

So she mustered the strength to tackle their list.
Procedures, appointments, you get the jist.
The first mock cycle was the worst.
Pumped full of hormones she had a mental burst.

911 was called and an ambulance came.
But it was a panic attack, she realized in shame.
Then came a blow, she wasn't prepared
"You have some fluid, so the risk can't be shared."

One round was possible so they invested away.
Their donor was picked, now it was time to pray.
Their first transfer was approaching, finally, at last.
But five days before, it was cancelled so fast.

"We can't move forward, your body isn't excelling,
Let's do a painful biopsy, the results will be telling."
The results took three weeks to be received,
But the doctor was happy, they were relieved.

Then came the unfreezing of their eggs, there were ten.
But only two made it, bad news once again.
Out of those two, neither fully matured
But the doctor said to move on, they were assured.

Finally came the day to have their one chance
They would regret it if they didn't, was their stance.
The doctor carefully placed the "bros "in her womb,
Fingers were crossed in hopes they would bloom.

Two grueling weeks went by so slow
No exercise, no alcohol, no coffee, lay low.
Then came the call at two fifteen December third
Neither embryo made it that had been transferred.

"I wanted this for you" said the nurse sadly
They now knew it was over, it hurt so badly.
Thousands of dollars were lost and so was hope,
How would they ever recover, move forward and cope?

With a heart full of dread, the mom sat in defeat.
Their journey with treatments, was sadly complete.
She'll never experience pregnancy and all its glory
Her husband will never read her belly a good night story.

No singing to a tummy, growing with pride
No holding her husband's hand by her bed side
No delivery, no amazement as they hear the first cry
No staring at their baby their hearts on a high.

But love and support has helped them make it through
One day they will have a family, this she knows to be true.
So even though this chapter is closed with grief
There's a child out there for them, this is their hopeful belief.

Defeated no more. Together we've got this!