angel reminders

Everywhere I go these days, I am reminded of the the beauty, kindness, and love around me.  Over my mantle now resides this gorgeous angel that Bethany gave me at the shower.  No picture could ever do it justice and it is perfectly fitting for what we've endured together.  

These reminders help to keep everything in perspective even when I want to call it a day.  I am getting to the really uncomfortable time during pregnancy.  After supper, it takes all I have to stay with the rest of the family and not get in bed at 6pm.  I find it so hard to get comfortable anywhere I sit and I am too tired to get other things done.  Jacob is really stepping it up in the evenings.  I am so thankful for him, but also have a short fuse.  Things are getting tougher, which we all expected.  I am so thankful to be here at 30 weeks beyond excited and exhausted at the same time!

words of meaning

When I was at the shower last weekend, Bethany read aloud a poem she had written for me.  It was beautiful and more than I ever could have expected - better than any gift that can be received.  I wanted to share that with you.  Cue the tears...

This story starts with sadness and crushing grief,

I'll never get pregnant, it was a soul wrenching belief.

Months went by and my heart hurt like hell,

I walked among the world like an empty shell.

I couldn't muster the strength to consider another option, 

I needed time to heal before considering adoption.

Tucked in my email was a message that caught my eye,

"Just an offer" was the title, my intrigue was high.

Julia Meade expressed her sadness for what we'd been through, 

She offered to carry our pregnancy, God told her this she could do.

As my mind registered the message, my heart began to soar,

I knew immediately her offer, was one I wanted to explore.

And so we became a team, two women on a mission.

Jacob and Phillip fully on board, they gave us no opposition.

Speaking of Phillip, he was amazingly excited.

He thought he would never have his own child and was beyond delighted.

Julia Meade got to work - this woman is seriously amazing.

She got questions answered, her determination ablazing.

She was on top of everything and moved us quickly along.

After only five months we were approved and going strong.

Throughout the next hear we had setbacks and loss,

Pandemic and miscarriages all difficult to cross.

But all along, Julia Meade stayed steady and strong-willed.

She knew this journey was her purpose, she was fulfilled.

Even at times, when my hope waned and faltered

She'd remind me of her commitment - it was never altered.

You see, Julia Meade is a woman made of fiery grace,

In her expansive love, you always have a place.

At times I fell down, hopeless and depleted,

But she kept me going, "We got this," she repeated.

Now my dear friends, comes the greatest part,

What started in grief is now a hopeful beating heart.

Julia Meade, there are not enough Thank You's I could ever say,

But you are now my family and and in my heart you'll stay.

Thank you my angel, my sister, my friend,

I love you immensely, our bond will never end.

Hearing this and reading several times since gets me every darned time.  I couldn't be happier to be in this moment right now with Bethany and Phillip.

unveiling my wish

I wanted to share with everyone what my finished product was that I gave Bethany and Phillip for little girl's room when she goes home.  This baby has been my wish for two years and their wish for almost quadruple that.  I felt compelled to paint a dandelion.  I was always told growing up to make a silent wish before I blew the seeds away.  It never dawned on me how much prayer, hope, and wishful thinking has gone into this process - more than I have ever yearned for.  

Once this sweet girl enters the world, I hope, pray, and wish that she dreams big and never settles.  What would be the point in that?

sweet enough

Today I had the pleasure of drinking the orange syrup (puke!) and wait around for the blood test at the doctor.  I must say that I don't remember the orange flavor, which isn't near as bad as the grape I recall previously.  The thickness of it is what got me, though.  Plus, trying to drink it quickly (literally in like 10 seconds) so the many many burps that followed were lovely.  

Bethany and I got to Facetime as we talked to Dr. C about everything.  My BP was great as were my belly measurements.  The heartbeat was right around 130 so perfect!  I did gain three pounds - ugh, I blame it on the delicious baby shower but Dr. C was not at all concerned.  There was the question of a tubal ligation after delivery which I am giving more thought now than ever before.  I don't think I can go through this again, but even if I did, my own tubes aren't necessary.  I don't know what to do honestly.  I think my worst fear is that it would mess me up hormonally and I definitely don't want that.  I suppose this just means that I need to up my research game!

The best news was that we got a message on the portal late tonight that all lab results were perfect.  No concern for gestational diabetes here nor any other issues that could be indicated with blood work!  Woohoo!  Thankfully, I have not had any blood sugar issues with any pregnancy.  

ultimate socializing

I have never been one of those to hide from being in the middle of the action.  These days, I sometimes cringe at the thought of crowds and/or making small talk.  I am not sure if this is a result of my new normal since COVID - just being less and less social, or if this could be a result of the pregnancy and the toll that the hormones take on my emotional/mental state.  Either way, I am still pretty tired from the shower yesterday, but I couldn't have asked for a better time!

That said, now is as great a time as any to share the news to the rest of the world.  Bethany and Phillip asked if they could mention it all on Facebook and frankly I was delighted.  The vast amount of kudos, love, and support gained through these Facebook posts is crazy.  I am so proud of us and our determination!  And this, my friends, is how they chose to let the world know - how perfect is this?!

two years in

When I think about the fact that we are two years (to the day) of my initial offer, it is hard to believe.  Even harder to fathom is the fact that we are only ten weeks away from accomplishing our mission!  Of course, when we started all of this, I figured that even with the many hoops to jump through that we'd have a baby within a year.  God laughed at that thought!

Who cares?  Here we are and everything is in His time, His perfect time, regardless of what we had thought.  The trials and tribulations faced are all part of the process of growth that I must've needed.  Perspective is a funny thing and sometimes we have to be taught in difficult ways.

Through the move, the job change, and everything else going on these days, I was able to provide these two favors for the shower that seemed to go over well.  Creating - it is my passion.

a perfect day

Today was simply perfect from my perspective.  I hope that Bethany feels the same.  While I am still on high and have gotten over some discomfort for being celebrated more than I wished, I think that Christen, Antonia, Cheryl, and Maria outdid themselves to make every little detail perfect in every way. 

Albeit masks on, which made it somewhat difficult for me to breathe at times, it was wonderful to meet so many of Bethany's friends and learn the stories of their friendships.  The overwhelming amount of food was all delicious!  Christen even went above and beyond to make sure I had a diet coke while everyone else celebrated with champagne - as they should have!  The setting of Antonia's home was lovely and the perfect spot to make the shower so special.  

The little touches are what made it so memorable for me.  Throughout the house (even in the bathroom), there were pictures of different stops along the journey.  From appointments together, to snapshots of our facetimes with different doctors, to the gender reveal party, and many poignant places in between, everyone could see the lengthy ride we have been on together.  Another amazing detail was the beautiful watercolor that Bethany's mom had done.  It was an elephant holding many balloons.  At the bottom, it said something along the lines of "we wish you..." and each guest was to write one word and sign their  name in a balloon.  I loved this idea and Cheryl's talent is just amazing!

To get the party started, I was asked to wear a sash that said "Making a Miracle."  So sweet, but a little overwhelming for me.  I promised to put it on and take a few pictures but I really wanted the day to be about Bethany and Phillip - not me.  After a little mingling and eating, we all sat down to watch Bethany open her gifts.  What I didn't know was that I would be the first one showered with gifts.  Christen gave a speech that was very special and made sure that I was profusely thanked.  There wasn't a dry eye after that.  Little did we know that the water works were really about to start.  Bethany stood and read a poem that she had written for me.  I will share that at a later date.  I couldn't help but boohoo like nobody's business and with the mask, I was trying my best not to gasp for air too awkwardly.

Then, I was presented with the most beautiful angel painting and picture frame about surrogacy that held a picture of Bethany and me.  I was presented with other gifts, too, but was told I could open them later - thank goodness.  We really needed to get the show on the road and focus on Bethany!

Bethany received so much love and even more gifts from all that attended.  It was nice to see that many of the practical items were given!  When I presented my painting and a sterling silver c bracelet made by my aunt, my heart beamed with pride.  While not practical, they are gifts from the heart with lots of meaning.  I think everyone liked them and I hope they will be proudly displayed in due time.

The ride home was a breeze once I got through Quantico (prior to that, it was pretty rough).  I came home elated but exhausted, still trying to take all of the beauty of the day in.  I have a lot more to update you on, but that is for another day.  I need some rest!