thoughts or feelings?

If I am being brutally honest, I have no idea what to think about what I am feeling and frankly, I wish I didn't think into all of this so much!  For the last few days, I have consistently felt awful and pregnant one day with all of the symptoms - tender boobs, headache, tummyache, can't think straight, etc.  So, in those moments, I am pretty sure I am pregnant, but also can't help but remember the November transfer when I felt everything and was shocked with a failure.  On these days, I pray a lot, asking God to let me truly feel only what is going on with my body and not what my mind wants to feel.

The day after the most tell tale symptoms, I feel nothing - I feel great, like I could conquer the world!  The only consistent feeling is fatigue, but that is just being a working mom I think - I can't remember a day in the last 6 years that I haven't felt that.  On these days, I pray that I am pregnant and that this will be the easiest one I have, if I can feel like this half of the time!

I have been making myself eat chicken, trying to see if it can be stomached.  So far, so good.  One of the weirdest things is that Diet Coke tastes strange.  Y'all DC is my lifeline and has been for years!  My daily routine is to grab a fountain one from the local convenience store and then typically have a couple more cans throughout the day.  If you remember, this is the one thing that Bethany had asked me to reduce consumption of during pregnancy.  Earlier this week, it just didn't taste right.  I haven't given it up yet, but I plan to next week, just to see how I can survive without it.  What's the point if I am not enjoying it?

All of this rambling is to basically say that I have absolutely no idea if I am pregnant or not.  Goodness, I hope so with all of my might.  Several times I wanted to give in and go grab an at home test.  Bethany doesn't care, but doesn't want to know.  On the other hand, I want people to think that I have an iron will of patience (hahah, yeah right).  I can make it until next Tuesday!  Until then, I will keep praying and talking to God about it.  Asking for my mind to be put at ease - no reading into any feelings or letting my mind create symptoms - strength and peace if we get a negative test and healthy wellbeing throughout the next several months if we are lucky enough to realize a positive test.