walking for the brain

This holiday weekend has been nice.  I am feeling okay.  Some days better than others, but it just seems to be the way it is right now.  I was able to go down to my parents with Gregory Thursday and we stayed until yesterday morning.  We were planning to come home Saturday but it poured rain all day and I wasn't thrilled about driving back in that weather.  We missed Jacob so we got home yesterday.  Thankfully, today the sun is out and the kids are playing outside after being cooped up for way too long!

The biggest thing to note is that I made it a priority to get outside and get a little exercise.  My walking buddy and dear friend met me this morning and we went for a short walk - about 1.25 miles.  It was difficult, but it felt like my brain needed it more than my body.  I was absolutely exhausted when I got back and took a long nap on the couch.  However, I woke up feeling pretty good and without a headache.  Tomorrow morning, I am going head out early as I used to to start the day off with a walk.  Even though it is a little hard to breath, it feels like it should be when exercising so it isn't as frightening as it is with normal mundane tasks that really require very little effort.

I am so thankful for my friend, Kristi.  I was really nervous to hit the pavement and probably never would have on my own.  She is one of my biggest supporters through all of this and I so appreciate her willingness to stick by me even when I have been non-existent for the past several weeks.

an awfully good day

There's no way to explain today without contradiction.  I felt horrible all day long.  The headache is miserable.  It is strange how it is cyclical this week.  Every other day is a decent day and then a really bad day.  I guess I am lucky to say that 50% of the time, I am doing okay.  That aside, the appointment with Dr. C was perfect.  Bethany and Phillip were able to FaceTime and hear baby's heartbeat around 140!  All is wonderful with this precious little thing.  

It was restated that the only risk to baby's health due to COVID would be if my health significantly declined, which is great.  I have to continue to be cognizant of that and seek help quickly if anything goes awry.  Unfortunately, there is no medicine that will help with the headaches.  While there is one, Dr. C doesn't like to prescribe it because if taken a few times in a row, one has to deal with withdrawal symptoms of the medication on top of the headaches.  Really not worth it.  While she said she would prescribe it if absolutely necessary, she asked that I only take once every couple of days.  I decided I would continue the Tylenol regimen for now.

I must say that the office experience at VCU verses VWC is totally different.  Things take forever at VCU.  Checkout today took 20 minutes alone and that was before I could get more bloodwork drawn (for spinal defects).  I had dropped Gregory off at my aunt and uncles thinking I would only be gone for about an hour, but it was almost 2.5 hours.  I suppose I just need to factor the timing in on my work calendar from now on - frustrating but worth it to be able to see Dr. C.

One thing that concerned the nurse (and me) was my blood pressure.  It was 125/91.  To put this in perspective, my last BP was 91/66.  I always have great BP and when I am pregnant, it runs low.  This was a shock!  And, well, my weight wasn't so great, either - I gained 14 pounds since my last appointment.  So disappointing and frustrating, but I only have myself to blame.  No exercise and horrible eating are sure to cause weight gain!  When Dr. C came in I expressed my worry over the BP and she was not the slightest bit concerned - apparently if someone is in pain, as I am with this awful headache, it is normal for blood pressure to be raised.  That's good!  I also told her how mad I was at myself for the weight gain and she assured me that if this is the worst of it, who cares.  Even though I worked so damned hard to get it off, I will have the opportunity to do it again.  All that matters is that I get well and the baby continues to stay healthy, which it is.

Nana came over to help with Gregory this afternoon and then we left for my parents.  The drive down wasn't too bad, but I still feel pretty awful.  If we go in the same pattern we have been, tomorrow should be a better day!  Crossing my fingers for that!

a new me?

I hope so!

We seem to be under contract, finally, even though it is contingent upon the sale of the buyers' home.  I don't even care to be honest.  I am still pretty ill and have to focus on me.  While today is an okay day, yesterday was awful.  I could barely move my head without it throbbing for no reason at all.  Tylenol wasn't touching the pain.  Thank goodness for my mom - she could see in my eyes how miserable I was and didn't let me lift a finger when it came to the children.  

One thing I have learned through this, as hard as it is, is that I can relinquish control and things will still happen as they should.  I can't do it all and COVID has taught me that.  I left Dan and Jacob to do the house stuff and sat in the periphery, and of course, it worked out.  We still have a bit to go, hoping the buyers' house sells quickly, but the offer on our house was for full price, which is really nice.  Even though we have that, our house is technically still on the market and will not be "pended" until the other contract is ratified.  So, we are still having showings.  I am so sick of cleaning this place!  Frankly, I don't even really care anymore.  If there's dirt, so be it.  If there's a smudge on the counter, screw it.  Is the toilet lid down - don't know, don't care.  A huge learning experience for me and I hope that I remember this as times return to normal!

It was sad to drop my mom off this evening.  Thankfully, she did take Meade with her and Gregory and I will go to their house tomorrow after work so that I have help Friday.  While some days are really difficult, I am noticing improvements which is all I can ask for.  The icing on the cake today is that David and Maria brought over supper - we are good to go for several more nights.  Boy is my family lucky!  I am hopeful that tomorrow, Dr. C can offer some medication to help in managing the headaches on top of news that this sweet baby is still perfect!

back to the grind

This week I am trying to work full time again.  My work family knows that this is all dependent on how I feel.  I thank God for the fact that I picked my mom up this morning and she is here with us until Wednesday.  There is no way in the world that I could try to work full time, be here with the kids all day, and still not feel great.  Mom has already proven to be a huge help.  Today at work wasn't too bad, but I am tired.  The headache is here but not awful.  I am still taking Tylenol almost around the clock to keep it at bay.  

This afternoon, my aunt stopped by and brought supper to us.  So nice!  And, such a lovely meal like the ones that I grew up on and cook often - simple:  meat, starch, veggie.  We actually got to see a couple of my aunts and uncles on Saturday when we had to get out of the house for showings.  Even though I felt awful, we went down to Dunnsville and spent a couple of hours on the beach watching the kids play in the river.  It was really nice but way too much for me just yet.  I made sure that I never went in their home and stayed away from the others at all times.  When we got back to the cottage, I was exhausted.  Sunday, I was able to relax a good bit while Jacob took the reigns with the kids, taking them to Three Lakes Park as well as the church to ride bikes.  Boy am I indebted to him.  I think he knows, though, that I will only get better with a lot of rest.

I hope that the week continues as today has.  I can deal with the fatigue - the headaches are what stops me in my tracks.  Today was bearable and I pray tomorrow will be, too.  It is a little embarrassing on calls when it sounds like I am running a marathon when I am simply talking on the phone, but it is what it is.  In time, that should get better too.  One day at a time!

little improvements

I am definitely getting better.  I don't feel as though I have been hit by a truck and backed over to ensure I am down for the count any longer.  The symptoms that remain are shortness of breath, extreme fatigue, and headaches that won't give.  I suppose I can live with all of these as I have read that this is pretty normal.  Most of my phone calls for work I have to preface that even though it sounds like I am running a marathon, it is just recovery from COVID - literally all from just carrying on a conversation.  You don't want to see me when I walk from room to room or up the stairs.

I am beyond thankful that Jacob's return to work was thwarted for no reason on our part.  Apparently they were searching for Jacob, which is not his first name and the name that his vaccination is under - WIN for us!  He had to call them yesterday and they found his record and he went back to work today.  I couldn't have done any of this week without him.  Today was tough - there is no getting around that.  I think that I mustered strength to get through it, but I have hit a wall in the last hour and I am done!

We continue to have suppers from Bethany's parents that they dropped of Tuesday - another blessing!  We've gotten a couple of offers on the house and have a couple more showings tomorrow.  All in all, we are so lucky!

Hopefully this weekend we can continue to relax and I can find more footing healthwise.  I plan to go back to work full time next week, if at all possible.  

our village

I must say, we are so lucky to have our village.  They have been feeding my family all week.  I have had to ask some people for a raincheck because meals would just go to waste at this point.  Bethany's parents brought several items yesterday, including books for the children.  They stayed outside for a few minutes with Jacob and watched the kids play for a few minutes.  The kindness from them is just crazy and hard to believe.  Another friend has told me that she is going to bring supper any night and I keep putting her off, we have too much right now.  My aunt and uncle are scheduled for next week as are Phillip's parents.

I have gotten really awful at writing thank you notes.  My Tita is probably turning over in her grave.  I will not allow myself to feel guilty.  I always make sure to give appreciation via text, but it does not always go through the snail mail.

If you're part of our village please know that I probably don't acknowledge you enough.  We are beyond appreciative for all of the kind gestures constantly in addition to the thoughts and prayers - I promise.

hanging...

...by a thread.

We are doing the best we can right now.  Jacob has been at home with the children.  I am trying my best to work a 50% load.  Somedays I am doing more, some less.  We are schooling Gregory at home - his teacher dropped off all of his school work yesterday afternoon.  Of course, this means that Meade is doing school work, too.  Finding things to keep her engaged and at her level has been interesting - I am not a teacher (nor a stay at home mom) for a reason!

Gregory's school nurse called late last night.  I told her that I am isolated from the kids (as if that is ever a viable option as a mother).  In that case, though, Gregory can return to school June 1st.  What?!?  That's two weeks away.  Because of Memorial Day of course.  That is a week longer than I was expecting - ugh.  Hopefully we will figure out a good routine moving forward.

We don't know how long Jacob will be home - I thought they would have called today, but still nothing.  It's a win for us, though.  I know he's exhausted.  It takes all the energy I have to keep some of my calls on the calendar and then lie down because I am just so tired and/or feel like poop.  It is minute by minute around here.  On top of that, we are still figuring out the house stuff.  More showings starting tomorrow (that is when the VDH said that I would be okay to go out in public again).  This means that we have to have the house ready go show in a pinch - not easy with dirty children!

Dr. C's nurse did reach out yesterday and because of the COVID timeline, they will not change my appointment for the 27th.  This is good news!  I am in week 15 and while I was sure I could feel some movement at 13 weeks, I haven't felt anything in several days.  I'm thinking that I haven't had the wherewithal to notice, honestly.  I even grabbed a doppler from my friend.  I tried twice to find the heartbeat and gave up.  Frankly, I couldn't find mine either, so I am not at all concerned.

Please pray this baby makes it through the virus unscathed.  Please pray for Jacob, that he finds utmost patience in dealing with all of us and especially the children at home.  Please pray for Meade and Gregory, they don't really understand why they can't go anywhere and why they have to do so much schoolwork at home!  And, please, pray for my health.  If that improves, I think all on the peripheral will as well.