As we were a minute away, Bethany called and said she wanted to chat. I told her that we were almost there and I had to pee so bad that I did not want to have a discussion just yet, could I call her after I peed? She was totally fine with that and also arrived at the office early so we could chat.
Bethany and Phillip's concern revolved around the scheduled consult for Monday with the attorney. They felt that it was premature. I totally understood their concerns, but I had to push back a little bit. I have tried extremely hard to do anything and everything to meet their needs but had to let them know that I wanted to get a contract in place back in October when I was initially speaking to the attorney. I know we aren't going through an agency and if we were, we would have had to had that in place months ago. Additionally, the sweet lady that I have been speaking to about her journey in surrogacy told me that the legal contract was one of the first things they completed (also without agency involvement).
Their concerns were the costs and if for some reason things didn't go through and I did not get into the Shared Risk Program, they will have lost the $425. To me, the $425 isn't that much in the scheme of things. Frankly, if we cannot go through with this process, they will have lost thousands in all of the testing, psychological things, etc. It is scary and I totally understand. I am so fiscally responsible that I get their concerns. However, I had to reiterate my need to get this part of it all done because I don't want to wait as executing a contract takes time. It is not like we can go to the consult, pay the fee for the contract and have something executed in the next week. There will be a lot of passing of redlines to ensure that everyone is on the same page and in agreement. This could take weeks. My thoughts were that if we waited until I was fully into the SRP, this could delay things by another month or so.
I know my personal timeline doesn't mean anything, but my goal is to deliver in 2020. This is going to be a feat in itself because my cycle has not come yet, which will already put us into March. I have said many times that if my timeline is not met, it does not matter, I am just a planner. I have received awards at work for execution and if I do not have targeted dates, things seem worthless. There are always times that the estimated targets have to be adjusted and that is fine. I am all in, regardless of if my projected timeline goes astray.
I think this was difficult for Bethany and Phillip to hear and I offered to reimburse them the $425 should everything not go as planned and the consult was done prematurely. They said no and agreed to keep the consultation on the calendar for Monday. A tough conversation that frankly was a good one and I think that our respect for one another and understanding eachothers' needs was a growing experience. I will say that those 20 minutes between when she called to chat and when we actually talked, my mind was going crazy trying to figure out what they wanted to chat about, how it affected everything, and what it meant for me. Ugh, my mind is the worst!
The counseling session went really well! There were many topics that we had all discussed either on our own with Laura or on our own with Bethany and Phillip. It was nice to have all of it reiterated while we were together.
I think that we grew in other areas, too. There were a couple items that I "conceded" to, because this is about Phillip and Bethany, not me. I say conceded, but that probably isn't the right word. Basically, I agreed to what they wanted, regardless of my own wants. Nothing serious, but see here:
- My caffeine intake. We all probably know that I drink entirely too much diet soda. This has been something I have been trying to cut back, increasing water intake through the weight loss. I feel as though I snapped at Bethany at the beginning of the conversation and said - this would be like you going through pregnancy without coffee. My tone was not good and I was immediately defensive. Ugh - my fault but I wish I would have thought before those words came out of my mouth. Bethany let me know that she had stopped drinking coffee a whole month before her transfer in preparation. Wow - if this was that important to her, I could definitely still try to cut back. She drinks coffee all day long! I let them know that even through my pregnancies, my MD at one point told me to drink some more caffeine to get through the day, if necessary but do not over do it. At the end of the conversation, I agreed to cut back, starting now. I am going to make that concerted effort. On the other hand, they understood if I needed it to keep going, that I should not be miserable without it and that as long as the MD says it is okay and I am not overdoing it, they are okay.
- Skin to skin time with the baby after birth. We had gone through all of the logistics of who holds the baby first, what all of that looks like and that Bethany and Phillip would also do skin to skin. I made it clear that I would like to hold and love on the baby for a second, but at the end of the day, the baby is not mine and I would respect everything they needed as they bond with the sweet little thing. All of us were super respectful of eachother and nothing was out of the norm, until I said that I would love some skin to skin time with the baby. Bethany looked at me and said she had not thought about that but would think on it. I totally understood. Did it really matter that much to me? I don't know. However, Jacob spoke up and said it may not be a good idea because I should not be trying to bond with the baby in that manner. I agreed and I understood Bethany's hesitation. That said, I looked at Bethany and let her know I would be okay without the skin to skin time and would just honor a few seconds to hold the baby as they get to know their real parents.
So much more was discussed. There were tears. There were smiles and laughs. There was about everything one could imagine. It was a wonderful experience that I am thankful we shared together. One more step down, and a million more to go, but we will get there!
On the way home, I asked Jacob if we could try to get a sitter for the night so that we could have a little alone time. He obliged. We had a hard time finding a sitter on a whim, but Nana to the rescue! Jacob and I went out to this amazing little restaurant in Richmond, L'Opossum. We had been there once before thanks to our dear Ms. Clare and Adrienne. When I told her how phenomenal it was, she got me another gift card the following year. So, out we went, sat at the bar, had the best steaks in Richmond and simply enjoyed being together. This process isn't easy and I know it takes a toll on us, but we are both all in and I couldn't be more thankful to Jacob. 
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