yin and yang

One thing I have learned throughout this journey is that Bethany and I are truly polar opposites.  This has been really good for us, I think.  Bethany is the yin to my yang.

One of the biggest ways we have learned this is that once I get my mind set on something, I am super motivated and determined.  Bethany is more relaxed and procrastinates.  This is good, though because I need to be brought down to reality at times and Bethany needs a push to get up to speed sometimes.  Together, we make it work!  I want everything done now and Bethany and Phillip are more realistic.  They have been through this once before and had their heart broken.  They know all of the setbacks and ultimately that it may not work.  I am more of a dreamer and everything in my soul wants this so bad that I sometimes fail to recognize that there will be bumps along the road and am really discouraged when they come.  Bethany and Phillip are able to take the dips of the roller coaster better than I do and keep me off the ledge.  They keep me grounded.  I wanted the legal contract some time ago.  We managed to compromise to go down that route once I am approved for SGF's shared risk program.  I get it and while I want it now, I have to take into consideration their desires.

I am an investigator whereas Bethany more just takes things as they come. I will ask a million questions to better understand the process, the procedures, and what comes next.  Bethany tends to wait to be told rather than ask proactively.  My push here has caused issue.  Some of those we work with at SGF are not so keen to all of my questions.  I think that the biggest disconnect between us and SGF here is that we are not going through an agency.  My understanding is that if we were supported by an agency, most of the questions would be directed to them and we would know more up front and simply work through the clinic to get it done.  I don't know if SGF has had many independent gestational carriers, but it is obvious that they are not used to someone being an advocate for themselves.  If they are, some of those we have worked with do not show it.  (On the other hand, some are very responsive and have no qualms taking extra effort to point me in the right direction.)   In identifying all of this about us as well as the clinic, I have had to take a step back.  Because my own advocacy is not so appreciated, any of my questions or concerns are now through Bethany and Phillip.

I am an extreme budgeter whereas Bethany and Phillip are more lackadaisical when it comes to spending.  I mean, we probably would be, too, if we didn't have two children and all of the expenses that come with them.  Well, if I am honest, I have always been a saver, not a spender.  Throughout the journey, though, we are sharing experiences.  I have been able to help them find different grants to apply to and pointed them to their CPA to review potential items that may be deductible on their taxes for all of the medical spending.  I was able to get a test done at VCU to go through insurance that ultimately saved them $600 that would have been due to the clinic.  It is the little things that we can figure out and it all adds up.  I also got a precautionary prescription for nausea due to the hormones I am on.  Walgreens was going to fill it for $135!  I asked them not to fill it and I would only get it if absolutely necessary.  I did some research and should I truly need the medicine, I can download the GoodRx app and pick up the medicine at Kroger for less than $20.  Together, in the financial world, we fit perfectly.

Bethany is a health nut.  I have never been, but I am getting much better.  She has already taught me ways to do better in efforts to help me lose weight.  I check in with her daily on my exercise and she points out ways to make a bigger impact.  She also guides me on things to stay away from as well as integrate into my diet to be in the best health I can be.  Bethany has already managed to curb my soda intake to one a day, which is substantially less than it was just a month ago.  Things I knew weren't so healthy, now I have the drive to work on.  More than the drive, Bethany holds me accountable, which is how it all works out.

Being a therapist, Bethany truly values mental health.  It is not that I do not value it, but it has always been on the back burner and never a priority.  I hate therapy - never have enjoyed it and always dreaded it when I did go.  We are on the same page about my anti-depressants, which is amazing, but she checks in to ask the difficult questions about  how I feel.  I think she can tell when I am frustrated and inquires.  This makes me take a step back (whether I like it or not) and dive deep to understand why I am feeling what I am feeling and what I can do to react or approach things differently.  There are times when I feel like saying "stop psychoanalyzing me!" but I know she is just trying to help me be all I can be.  I don't always welcome the conversations, but I am much better after we have them.

We have many different thoughts about things to stay away from during pregnancy.  Of course, we both agree on most of the nutrition.  I said very early in this journey, if you want me to eat all organically, we should not explore any further.  Bethany often jokes that this will be written into the contract.  I think that they do feel like I should eat a more organic diet, but it is not in my family's budget, but I am going to start making better choices at the grocery store, and I already have.  I guess I was much more relaxed on what should be done with my pregnancies, whereas Bethany wants to take the most extreme precautions - which is okay.  For example, the whole BPA plastic thing gets me.  I never once worried about our tupperware choices when we were pregnant.  Can this stuff really make a difference?  I suppose if it is in the literature, it can.  Bethany is hyper to some of these items and I have to respect that.  If she wants me to stay away from BPA, so be it.  She has even offered to purchase BPA-free containers to use.  I kind of wish I had a cat (not really), but that would mean that Jacob would have to clean the litter box the entire pregnancy.  Well, good thing we don't have a cat because it would probably just get disgusting and cause an argument because I would want it cleaned out sooner than he did.  :)

All of this said, there is no right or wrong.  Bethany is my yin and I am the yang.  Together we are both being respectful of one another and at the end of the day, want to please each other.  The beautiful thing is that we complement each other well and both have the same end goal in sight!