stepping back

I was in a foul mood most of the morning.  It is weigh in Wednesday and that scale did not look so pretty.  I experienced the highest of highs last week to be brought down pretty low.  I gained three pounds last week.  I knew it was not going to be great, but I had hoped that maybe I just maintained.  There are several factors - or maybe excuses - I'm on my period, I had a football watch party and ate way too much, at that same party I had more caffeine than I should have, I want to eat anything and everything in sight, I have lost all willpower that ever existed in keeping my elbow from bending to get my fingers to my face, I even ate an entire bag of dove dark chocolate.  So, the scale is quite indicative of my lifestyle over these last few days!  How can I be mad?  It is pretty scientific.

I told my frustrations to Bethany and was told that I am allowed to feel this way.  I am allowed to be disappointed in myself.  However, I should use some of those emotions to fuel my energy to do better this coming week.  I agree.  I am all in.  Together we made a pact for no sweets for the remainder of the month (she has already been on this train for the last 15 days - my baggage and I were left at that station). 

It is understood that sometimes we have to take two steps back to take another forward.  I am only with that and frankly, I think I needed a reality check.  Much of my weight loss has been somewhat easy until the holidays.  I think it hasn't been as easy since because I haven't been trying as hard.  So, they go hand in hand.  I am going to ensure I am doing my own due diligence to make the right decisions in the coming weeks to get down to that goal of 190.  First, my interim goal is to get down to 196 by the time that I go in for my next blood work/ultrasound. 

Being nervous is an understatement.  I start hormones today to get my body ready over the next two weeks in order to check the uterine lining for Shared Risk Program candidacy.  When I inquired with the nurse about the side effects of this medicine, I was told "oh not much, but maybe some moods wings and hot flashes."  Great, that is fucking awesome!  I am not going to allow myself sugar, have to push myself further at the gym, be really good at making the right nutritional choices, and be a raging bitch, too?  You might want to check in on Jacob...