o n e - h u n d r e d

Yesterday was weigh in Wednesday.  It was one of my most emotional days yet.  I went to the gym as normal and stepped on the scale.  I saw 199.  This means I have lost more than 100 pounds since the beginning of 2019!  I still can't believe it as I write.  I tried to gather myself and get out into the gym for a workout.  I started crying more as I clued a couple of people in.  I had to go back to the locker room to wash my face as the makeup from the prior day was just dripping down.

This has never seemed possible.  I know I have not done it on my own.  Before this journey, I had lost about 50 pounds.  Another 50 since this began in August!  I still have 9 pounds to go to clear me (so that I have a BMI of 35).

As I reflect, it is just so hard to fathom.  I look in the mirror sometimes and still don't recognize myself.  As I walk in the back door and see my whole body reflection, I say who is that gal with a figure?  I have collar bones I didn't know existed.  I don't have to stretch my neck out in pictures to try to alleviate my double/triple chins.

I can't explain all of this weight loss has been relatively easy.  Some people that ask me what I have been doing I say it has been many different things that have worked together.  Most importantly, though, I say I have never been happier in my life.  I feel as though, well before this journey began, I found the right dose of antidepressants.  I also started working on ME, being more mindful in all things I do.  This has changed my mindset.  Instead of thinking woe is me, I now welcome criticism.  Everything pointed out isn't a jab, it is an opportunity to grow.  A way to thrive as a better me.  I give thanks often where credit is due and I truly believe that the majority of the credit here goes to God.  He has found a way to help me help myself.  The stars have truly aligned.  I feel better and I am learning to love the new me, with many less pounds.

Frankly, I will likely have the "obese" diagnosis for many moons, but I am so much healthier than I have EVER been in my life.  Ever.  Thank you all for your support and kind words through it all.  I am so overwhelmed and humbled, thankful and proud.

This is what all of these feelings look like.