I got the most lovely note from my sister in law (C) yesterday afternoon that also happens to be B's sister. Hence, the quasi-family relationship here. I was so emotional, I couldn't even respond but I did send a simple text back letting her know that I had received it and would write more when I wasn't so emotional. There were several things about this email (and eventual call) that have made a huge impact.
1 - She apologized. This apology was NEVER necessary. Just because I mentioned that I would be willing to entertain surrogacy for B didn't mean that she was responsible for making that connection. People say "I'll do this/that" all the time in passing but if they don't act on it, it was a moot point to begin with. Plus, B/P had mentioned they were done with IVF. C said it really well - "I thought it was, again, a kind thing to say, an off-handed comment to show empathy for my sister." I.get.it. That is why I knew that because I was serious, I had to let my actions lead instead of my words.
2 - She provided unending gratitude. I will never expect nor want a thank you during this process. My heart knows it is doing the right thing and it is being guided with God's help. My simple email has given "an answer to their prayers - renewal - a ripple effect of hope through our entire family." Knowing this is what keeps me determined to follow through. I don't need thanks. I need prayers for strength to endure the difficult road ahead for me and my family and B/P and their families.
3 - She is supportive. I struggled reaching out directly to B and not through C, but I knew it was what needed to happen. I didn't want to get anyone else involved (didn't even really discuss with Jacob yet) until I heard from B that it was something she wanted to look into. After all, why get others' emotions in an uproar if there was never a chance for fruition. Knowing that C and her family are here with us each step of the way is invaluable.
4 - (and most important) She understands. C gets that it will be a long road that may not lead to the beautiful outcome we are all praying for, but she put it into words. This means the world to me and I will forever hold these words dear: "Even if you have a change of heart, even if this process never gets up and running, even if IVF fails again - I want you to know that I will never forget your email to my sister. Her world is a little brighter knowing that there are people like you who act out of such love. Mine is too." This is the most impactful. C gets it. She understands that there are so many logistics to get through and I could be told tomorrow that it is not an option. It will be devastating, but it will also provide B/P the answer they need that adoption is the next step to explore.
Beyond the email, C and I had a lengthy phone call last night where we rehashed all of the words and cried a lot. We are on the same page as far as expectations go and will work to find the best path forward, with all of our families there to support us.
This morning, I awoke with a full heart and a reserve of energy to keep pushing through, doing all I can to hold up my end of the offer.
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