I have always been one to try and not let fear get to me. However, the fear of the unknown in this process is overwhelming. What if it doesn't work? What if I am not a good enough candidate? What if it puts my health at risk? What if this just adds to the heartbreak that B/P have already experienced? Oftentimes, for me, fear is paralyzing.
While the fear is real and exists, I am doing my best to put it aside, thinking about the most beautiful outcome that could ever be. I imagine this life with one more sweet child and adoring parents. I imagine doting aunts and uncles, grandparents providing more love than they new existed. I imagine my own, full heart, knowing that my family is complete yet we were able to give that same experience to others.
The fear will not immobilize me, but push me to be happier and healthier than ever. It will help me to create the best circumstances possible to realize the joys that come with parenthood, through others' eyes. One day, maybe my experience will help to inspire one other gentle heart to reach out and do the same thing? You never know what will happen, but my heart is in this. I will not give up and let the worries get the best of me.
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