Today I will be going to a family birthday party in which B and all of her family will be there. I have not yet had the opportunity to squeeze her parents since all of this began and I simply cannot wait. When B/P, Jacob and I decided to explore further, I wanted to call B's parents to ensure they were on board. We chatted and cried. It was beautiful. They were more than supportive and so very thankful for the renewed hope that now existed. While her parents have never been truly my family, I met them at the same event where I met Jacob's siblings at our first Christmas together. From that time, I always thought they were so special. Now, our bond will just grow stronger.
For years I have tried to be a better me. That person is starting to shine through. I have so many weaknesses and flaws, but that just means that I have more room to develop. One of those things I have always struggled with is accepting support, gifts, encouragement, etc. I am really independent and always have been. (My children are quite independent, too, and boy do we bump heads!)
This experience has definitely humbled me and is helping me to grow in that arena. I had the beautiful opportunity yesterday to have lunch with my dear, beautiful friend and her mom, my special friend, Ms. Clare. She always, I mean always, goes way above for my birthday and I didn't expect any less. However, I never could've imagined all that she gave and wanted to continue to give to me.
I guess I never felt so worthy to be showered with such lovely things. The past two years, she has given me a way too generous gift card to the most wonderful restaurant in Richmond, a little hole in the wall that Jacob and I truly cherish. It is pretty expensive, likely why we had never been before. I was selfishly hoping for another one of those so we could look forward to the delicious meal and lovely ambiance that restaurant provides. Yesterday, she did not give that gift card, but instead gave me so much more. So much that I really had a hard time accepting but had to take a step back and realize, they love me, they cherish me, and I am more than enough as their friends. All of this said, I am looking forward to crafting with some of the best markers ever, a 90 minute massage, and spending a crazy amount of money at West Elm in Carytown. Why me? Why do I deserve such wonderful things? Because I am worthy of them. Because I am valued. Because the relationships I cultivate are real and have meaning. Because I am loved. Because I return value and love with every ounce within me.
Inner dialogue is something I have not mastered. My leader at work has been addressing this with me lately and I have been listening to some training to do better. While it was so difficult, I accepted all of those gifts, not because it was the right thing to do, but because I was confident that they were given as love and value for the person I am. I am valuable. I am a good friend. I surround myself with the most beautiful people on this planet.
Frankly, I am still on a high from my birthday. I think this is just part of my daily life right now. All is amazing and I know in my heart that next year we will be celebrating my birthday once again, with baby on board. Today, as I approach this birthday party, I will have to contain my excitement a little bit. It is not about me, B, or this journey. It is about a sweet little boy we will all be gathered to celebrate. However, I will be sure to get some awesome hugs, and cherish the time with this beautiful family.
"To be content doesn't mean you don't desire more, it means you're thankful for what you have and patient for what's to come." - Tony Gaskins
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