This week has been really tough. I told Gregory that we would make some muffins, homemade blueberry muffins. I didn't think it would be that difficult to do so without eating them - I make batch after batch of chocolate chip cookies without ever tasting the dough or a bite once baked off. These muffins are killing me! Not only do I want to shove spoonfuls of batter into my face, I want to test them once done baking. But not just one, I mean, some look a little deformed and I probably shouldn't serve those either. It got to the point where I asked Jacob to remove the remainder from the mini muffin tin because I had lost all will power!
After eating so many of those and being down on myself, I said who gives a shit and ate three pieces of the kids' Halloween candy before bed. Geez louieez! I had actually done really well and I think only eaten two pieces total since we bought the candy, but how have I gotten to this point!? Just stuffing my face and reveling in the deliciousness only to beat myself up for indulging. It really isn't worth it in the end.
As I was telling a friend about my lack of will to stay on track, she put it all in perspective - "you didn't eat four did you?" I guess so, my friend, I guess you're right. There is always tomorrow and even the next moment. We can't wallow in our past but make better decisions for the future.
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