I am utterly exhausted emotionally. Physically, I feel great, which is crazy enough in itself. All of this to say that we finally got a call before 1pm to let us know that we are expecting! Oh my gosh, I have been a disaster all morning not knowing. Once she called, it was like everything came crashing down. It was exactly what I was hoping to hear but I couldn't muster the right words to say anything that mattered or continue on with my day as I really needed to. We are pregnant. I really struggled with the rest of the day, trying to manage home stuff and work stuff. It was a high and low all at the same time, while also trying to continue to guard myself, knowing that this is the first positive step to move forward, but there is no guarantee that it won't come to a halt at any given point.
The only strength I really had throughout the afternoon was to praise God. All of the gratitude in the world goes to him right now. I am so happy, yet so tired, it is hard to express it. Cheryl and Steve called which was so kind and thoughtful but again, I wasn't sure what to say. I just felt like crying. It was awesome and difficult at the same time. Bethany's sister was also texting. I tried to keep everyone following us abreast of the good news but really didn't have the emotional stability to talk it out. I even asked some to inform others so I could be "off the hook" for the day. I think that was the right thing to do, honestly. I just needed some time with my feelings and get my mind right for the next step and the remainder of this journey, which I pray and pray that it doesn't end until this little, healthy baby can be physically held.
In other news, I was kind of dumbfounded by the fact that our beta number was so high. The level was 1717. I was expecting a few hundred. When we were successful at this point last summer, my number was 352 and I was told that it was perfect. This time, the nurse told us not to worry that it wasn't an indication of twins but that it was a "really really great start." We have to believe that. I will continue on all of my medications and then go back on Thursday for more bloodwork. At that time, the hope is that the beta level increases by about 66% (every three days the level should double).
I would be remiss not to thank all of you for the continued thoughts and prayers. We are here and we will persevere, even if not now, in the future. Today's positive is the first of many that we will need to see to fully realize the purpose of the entire journey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so grateful for each of you!
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