Yesterday was interesting. I picked up Lebanese so that we wouldn’t have to cook. My nephew and his mom came to play and exchange gifts. It was oddly quiet without Ricky’s presence. Several times got quiet and breaking the silence was difficult, but if we didn’t I think we all would have cried.
Mom did lose it a little later when we were throwing dice, remembering Katie on what would have been her 43rd birthday. I’m sure Katie and Ricky are partying hard up there. I felt so awful for mom. I just want to take everyone’s pain away. We got high to take it easy and enjoy the rest of the night. As mom was going to bed, I said I thought she was going to help put out Santa stuff. I started going through hiding places looking for everything I had bought back in August and September.
Anyone that has asked if I was ready, my response was always simple - as ready as I’m going to get. I’m on top of everything so no need to worry. Until I wasn’t.
As we set out the underpants, socks, sticker books and a few very small things, I realized my kids really had no toys they had asked for. I didn’t know what to do. Kroger and Walmart are both already closed. We decided we would put cash in a card from the North Pole.
I had no idea that COVID had made it to the North Pole, but that’s what Santa said in his note. In the midst of penning the notes, my aunt texted to say that she would bring over their gifts to make it a little better. I declined and also started writing an “experience list” that are fun things to do over the next year, which was their gift from Jacob and me.
My aunt called to say that my uncle had spent quite some time researching and that CVS was open. Dad and I hightailed it over there. $229 later, I had bought so much crap I had vowed to never buy. Thank goodness Jacob went to the same CVS with Gregory the day before and he pointed out a bunch of unnecessary junk he wanted. Christmas morning was saved! Thankfully neither child knew any different.
The kids were delighted with the junk and the money. They’ve never had much to spend on toys and such that they wanted. Even if we get them a prize here and there, there’s typically a small dollar limit. Mom and dad stayed for breakfast. Things were off but they weren’t horrible. It was nice that Nana visited right after mom and dad left and we got to spend some time with her and the lovely ukuleles that she so graciously gifted! In fact, I hear them now.
I’m so thankful that there isn’t much else we had on our plates today. I’ve been baking desserts for the next couple of family gatherings and hanging out with the kids. I had an itch to join my parents for supper at my cousins, but it was a hike so I opted against it. I’m glad I did. I sit here, staring off into space, our first Christmas in this new hole, trying to remember all I’m thankful for. Sometimes it is hard, but in this moment I am full of gratitude.
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