invincible

I am experiencing all of the emotions right now, most importantly trying to keep myself in check.  I am NOT invincible, which is what I felt after the last transfer.  I’ve never lost a pregnancy and won’t lose this one either.  It will go perfectly the whole time.  Now that I have experienced the miscarriage, I know all too well that this transfer could end in the same.  We never know but I have to go into this with a more open mind to failure than I had last time.  My hope overflows, but I have to be realistic, too.  I often remind myself that the data says that one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage.  Well, this will be my fourth pregnancy and I’ve already had that one.  So, if the data speaks for itself we should be fine, right?  If only it worked like that!

The nerves are real.  It is hard to explain.  The procedure is easy – I have no reservations about that.  I really have no reservations for anything to come, I just hate uncertainty.  The next several months will be a lot of that and I am preparing myself for it.  It is hard, but I have to embrace it!  My family realized my nervousness when I couldn’t stop pooting.  Remembering back to plays in high school, I will never forget that anytime before a production, I would get bad gas due to nerves.  So here we are!  I hope that I sleep well tonight, get a good walk in tomorrow, and everything goes smoothly tomorrow – Friday the 13^th!