psyched up

I had my last in person visit with Dr. C after the birth of my little Henry back in mid-December.  I was referred to VCU's psychiatry department to follow up for the depression I am experiencing with this awful grief.  Today is the day.

On the way home with the kids, knowing I had a few minutes to spare when I got home, I got a call.  The name I didn't recognize but she said that the appointment could start earlier.  I told her that I had kids in tow and would be available in ten minutes.  Cue getting the kids in the door, shoes off, homework started, snacks provided, etc., and in the right mind space to meet with a psychiatrist.

There were a few technological difficulties, but we made it work.  I didn't understand why I was told I was meeting with Dr. Shah, but a Dr. Bise was calling.  I learned that she is the chief resident in the group and she gets a baseline before Dr. Shah calls.  We went through my situation, did the postpartum worksheet to calculate my score and talked through a few things.  She was very nice but I was ready to get the show on the road.  It was a little frustrating that I would have to go through it all over again with Dr. Shah, so I wasn't super pleased.

Finally, Dr. Shah called.  Before even saying hi, she took a moment to stress that my purpose to get Makenna in this world was something far beyond anything she had ever known as a selfless act.  That made me feel good.  I had to tell her that every difficult thing about it makes it all worth it now.  Unfortunately, I had a shitty few days beforehand and that is why I am here.  I guess I was pretty stoic and said that I was doing okay.  I am.  I am okay most days.  Then, we got to the issues and I was a teary mess.  Dr. Shah validated that anyone in my position would be struggling.  We went through what I was doing to make strides ahead as well as my current meds.

While I am on Zoloft and it is my magic drug, I do want to consider other anti-depressants due to the fact that I have no sex drive at all.  It is only fair for Jacob.  We talked through that and Dr. Shah suggested that get on Wellbutrin, decrease Zoloft a little in a week and check back in in a couple of months to see how I am doing.  I am willing to give it a go!  She also mentioned that people often gained weight on Zoloft and lose weight on Wellbutrin.  Sign me up!  

Dr. Shah really was super sweet, plus stunningly beautiful, even virtually.  I enjoyed her and look forward to going back in a couple of months.  I sure hope that this new medicine regimen gets me on the right track to progress into who I am supposed to be for me, and then for the rest of the world.