I didn't hear anything from the lead teacher yesterday - that's frustrating. Again, nothing so far today. Meade came home and said she had a good day. I went into her backpack and found three sticky notes. Two front and back of instances where Meade fucked up today and that this is a “typical” day. Playing with toys during the pledge. Arguing with peers over toys. Interrupting during circle times 5 times, in which guidance observed. Guidance also observed the refusal to follow center play rules. She cried because she didn’t want to clean up. She told a joke about a cow getting killed during literacy. Really? Who gives a shit! She lost her chair for rocking it after having warnings. She didn’t follow directions during a school drill, after four requests because she wanted to be under the teacher’s desk with everyone else but there was no room. She says she is itchy during nap time. Maybe it is her clothes? Mold? I don’t have a clue what that means.
I sent a note to her thanking her for the concrete examples we could work on and that I had not heard from the Lead. Oh, she got busy today and will call tomorrow. But also, here’s a picture showing where Meade wouldn’t share dinosaurs with her friends. There are dinosaurs all over the fucking table. Most were in front of Meade. Apparently she pushed the others hands away when they wanted them and she refused to share.
What now? I think we might want to just take her out at this point. She is four. I probably shouldn’t have put her in the program with the baby situation. I had no fucking clue my brother, who lived with us, would die, leading to further issues. I found a place for $226 a week. I don’t even care about the money anymore. The thought of it makes me want to puke, but who fucking cares.
At this point, I feel that they are out to document every little thing so that when they dismiss her, it is justified. Should we take her out before that? I don’t know. What do I do? I’ve been on pins and needles all fucking day waiting for the next message to come.
Why now? Why all of a sudden? Monday was about her needing counseling so I bent over backwards to try and find that. Tuesday was about her not being okay enough to fit in with the program and that I need to look elsewhere. That escalated quickly! She’s four fucking years old. She is expected to be a helper and I think that she sees her peers getting more attention and that she then also seeks it, likely not in the best ways.
I have two messages since the beginning of the year that mention Meade had bad days. I got a note home one day that she was the queen of kindness. I got two notes about her being weepy. Nothing else until this past Monday. Nothing! Are you fucking kidding me? And now if she doesn’t clean up her shit, she’s kicked out? Well, that’s a great way to set up a kid up for failure by not speaking with the parents to help her work on it for weeks beforehand. I feel like I always fight for things that I feel are right but I am always looking at it from my lens only. I understand she is privileged to be in this program and is there to help those with disabilities. But if we don’t know, we can’t work on it.
I don’t want others to say oh you’re a good mom or don’t call yourself a failure but I fucking feel like one. I feel so self absorbed that I didn’t think about the children. I do the best I fucking can, that’s for sure. But I can’t do anything if I am not aware. Maybe we will learn more tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment