This morning was tough. I was wrestling Gregory to get dressed. Meade was screaming about more cheerios. The house was a wreck. I was in the middle of putting the clean dishes away while trying to attend to every other need of these children, who are totally capable of most things themselves, and two texts came through both just checking on me. Dear friends that want to know how I am doing. I went to my office to respond and totally lost it.
I try to be honest with friends because if I am not honest with them, I am likely not honest with myself. As I wrote back that I was so sad all of the time, but day by day, I am getting stronger. Each moment offers a new opportunity to heal a little bit more. I couldn't get myself together before going back into the kitchen to finally get Meade her cheerios and the kids saw me crying. Meade said "why are you doing that?" After I blew my nose and wiped my tears, I told them I was sad. Gregory stopped in his tracks and got teary. Meade asked why I was sad. When I said that it is sad that Uncle Ricky died, Meade said "that was so long ago."
Yes, my sweet little girl, it was a few months ago. I wish my heart would be healed by now, but it isn't. It won't be truly healed ever again, but I am making strides to work on that. Don't get me wrong, I am feeling better most days, most moments. However, as anyone that has grieved before, knows that emotions are difficult to control. I think I am in the middle of reading four different books right now to help on my journey of grief, but it doesn't happen overnight. Boy do I wish it would!
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