Today has been a huge challenge. I am failing miserably at God's test of my ability to be more patient with everything in my life. Satan was surely guiding me much of the day! Part of my problem was that I was not super busy at work so found myself googling too much about heartbeats and gestational weeks and success rates, and really anything I could looking for positive signs. I was reeling - it wasn't good.
At one of my lowest moments, I decided to play the old friend card. A gal I grew up with, Becca, is now the nursing director over many units at Memorial Regional, one of those being Labor and Delivery. I have no idea if she knew about this journey or not, but I reached out. I threw it all out in the open and let her know that I just needed some reassurance. It didn't matter what the outcome was, I just needed access to a transvaginal ultrasound machine and a tech to administer it. Poor Becca was probably so confused but asked a few questions and then let me know she would get with the OB on duty and get back to me as soon as possible.
I called Bethany and told her that maybe, just maybe we could get an answer today. She was excited by that. It was after five when I finally heard back from Becca. She talked to the OB and unfortunately because I was so early into the pregnancy there was no way to justify a visit at this time, especially because there were no complications that we knew of. Understood. I think it just felt better knowing that someone else was basically telling me to cool my jets and let things play out the way they are supposed to.
Becca did mention that I could go in through the ER if I wanted and they might do an ultrasound. Again, though, without complications, I would have to fake them. In my professional world, I am bothered by healthcare fraud or those that take advantage of the system, so there was no way I was going to do any of that. I just had to find my bearings to calm down and wait 2 more days. It is only two more days! Ugh, those 48 hours, 2880 minutes are going to go by so slow! See, this is how conflicting my mind is these days. I know what I need to do, I just can't get my mind to cooperate!
One thing that was really nice of Becca was that she asked some additional questions about the pregnancy, my OB, my delivery plans, etc. While I have my doctor I adore over at VCU, the staff there has been less than easy to do business with. Becca suggested a couple of practices here in Mechanicsville that delivered at MRMC that I should look into. It was a really nice conversation. Plus, when I asked about some of the intricacies about delivering in this situation, she was very open to share that they recently had a similar instance for an adoption. Three guests were allowed in the operating room and the adoptive parents were given their own room after delivery. Like it was protocol. This is amazing news and something for me to think more about. Plus, if my appointments were 5 minutes away verses 20/30 in addition to finding parking in a deck and walking a few blocks, there are other reasons to think about a switch.
This is all a struggle, but one that we will get through. So much to think about yet all of it I am trying not to think too much about.
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