times a-changin'

Along with everything else that's changing these days (my body, my mood, my physical feelings, my need for help, etc.), so is my typical nature.

Case in point - I am off today.  We came down to my parents last night; we don't do much else on the weekends anymore thanks to COVID.  It has been pretty rainy around here lately and we saw there was going to be a break in the rain for a few hours so Meade, Daddy, and I went out fishing.  I only busted two peelers and as we came to the time where we needed more, I was quick to tell Daddy that I wanted to go home.  We had only been gone about 2 hours.  For some reason, I am getting anxious being away from home or the family for any extended period of time.  It really makes no sense and I could stay out in that boat for hours upon hours with no worry in the world.  I noticed this several weeks ago before transfer, but I thought it was due to the anxiety of the impending stuff.  Now, it seems that the anxiety is lingering a little.  No worries, though, we went home and decided to relax the rest of the day.

Relax, though?  That's just not me!  So, I asked Mom if she wanted to run over to Gloucester.  I had heard of a couple boutiques there that have nice clothes and I need a dress or two for a some upcoming wedding celebrations.  Mom was all in.  That anxiety quickly surfaced and I just wanted to get there and get back as soon as possible.  I wanted to stop by the kids consignment store but just knew I couldn't handle another task on this trip.  

The first boutique we stopped at, I did not see any dresses that would work.  At the second, I think I tried on five dresses.  As the lady there was helping me, she said I needed to go down to a medium instead of a large.  I filled her in on the fact that I was gaining weight and would continue to due to the pregnancy.  She was so sweet - let me know that her son is gay and that he is also researching surrogacy, but needs to find his life partner first.  However, being a father is one of his main goals in life.  Immediately, we bonded a little bit.  

Three of the dresses I tried on, I really liked.  They were classy and all different, yet all different shades of blue.  Mom and the lady that owned the shop also really liked them.  Before I knew what I was doing, I threw those three dresses on the counter with my intent to buy them.  It scared me a little bit - I had not even glanced at the price tags!  Forget it - who cares!  I have NEVER been into a mainstream shop and been able to pull anything off a normal size rack that could fit.  Now that I could, I needed to soak it in and get something that I liked.  Almost $190 later, we were on our way.  It was almost a liberating feeling to know that the money didn't matter.  I needed to feel good and comfortable.  I have never in my life been like this.  My go-to is Goodwill - honestly.  Those dresses are $8 typically!  

Mom was so excited for me, she made me try each dress on and show Daddy and Jacob.  They also liked them.  Jacob was supportive regardless of the price tags and we went on like any normal day.  I still can't believe I did that, but I did it for me and it felt good.  I hope this doesn't lead to any shopping therapy for me in the future, but it was a big leap into finding new things out about myself and realizing that I am changing - in every way, shape, and form!