Probably the worst place I can be these days. Last night was difficult. Instead of focusing on the positive outcome, I went through the long lists of what if's and what's next's. I didn't sleep well and didn't feel great on my walk this morning. I had really been holding it together for the most part. I have to keep in mind, too, that this is normal. If I wasn't feeling doubtful at times or going through all of the outcomes in my head, I wouldn't be realistic. It even got to the point where I was googling to see if there was a clinic to go in a get a quick transvaginal ultrasound. I'll pay a couple hundred dollars out of pocket for any piece of mind at this point! Of course, there really is no clinic/urgent care facility that has these machines much less does them for individuals that aren't their patients.
Regardless of those thoughts last night and not feeling so great this morning, I am overly optimistic about everything. I joked with my doctor friend at daycare drop off this morning to see if she had any OB friends that could get me in the back door for a quick ultrasound. I am so darned impatient! When she asked what was going on, I told her and she acted like this was absolutely nothing to worry about - her sister didn't have HBs at 7 or 8 weeks with one of her beautiful, healthy children! Wow - that made me feel a lot better!
Right now, I am super thankful to have a job that takes my mind off of all of this!
As I was looking at my texts to Bethany, I found this one that I sent just before our appointment on Wednesday. I guess I was too confident, but I felt beautiful, I felt like I could conquer the world. I need to experience that again, so I decided I would share with you, too.
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