It is no surprise that I have been having a difficult time emotionally. I've dedicated myself to really work on that and change things in my control to be a healthier person for not just me but my family, too. Something has started to click here lately and I am feeling better. I can probably attribute it to many different things, but I think one of the most important is that I am beginning to feel valued at work again.
I started this new role at the beginning of August. I am not sure if it took this long to prove myself or what, but I finally feel as if I am a contributor - not just a lump on a log in the wings. The current person that I am supporting is extremely busy so I often wonder if she just didn't have the time to devote to my onboarding or if maybe she wasn't ready to start delegating anything to me. Maybe she decided why would she waste time doing it now knowing that I would be going out on short term disability pretty soon? There's no telling the catalyst to why I wasn't being used to my potential.
All that matters now is that I am being utilized as I was hired. I am making an impact and helping to knock things off of the team's to do list, even it if it means that it may need to be refined with others down the road. That doesn't matter. Sometimes just having something on paper is an easier start than an overwhelming blank slate.
Had I not switched bosses just a few weeks into this role, I would have reached out sooner to the guy that hired me and asked what gives. But, I was still trying to get a feel of the lady I support on top of the new leader to see what was going on and how I would integrate with the team. My first 1/1 wasn't until almost three weeks in under the new boss and had I reached out to him initially, I was going to ask for release to start looking for a new job internally (we are supposed to satisfy a year in any given role). I am glad I waited until that 1/1 a week or so ago to figure it all out in my mind.
My new leader was really receptive and while I didn't bash anyone, I did give some constructive feedback that can hopefully be helpful as other newbies join the team. It is only fair to provide individuals with the materials and training they deserve to be successful verses twiddling thumbs on the sidelines. I think that conversation also helped to set a great tone between me and my new boss, too. I do feel as though I can reach out at anytime (not just during a scheduled 1/1) to voice concerns or talk through items that need to be brought to light.
All of this said, (I think) that my mood has drastically improved over the last week or so. It is also a result of Jacob feeling better about himself, I am sure, and the fact that we aren't butting heads any time we are home together. Sometimes we overlook how much our job really affects who we are and what we are going through. I am so happy that I opted not to up my meds and give the counseling a go. I don't think the counseling as made an impact yet - another session coming up this week - but I am trying to do it on my own verses relying on chemicals.
Life is better when you feel valued - keep that in mind. Don't forget to value those around you and make it be known, for no reason at all.
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