In the middle of the night, I wrote the eulogy. Good, bad, or ugly, it is what it is. I hope that it enables others to be brave and get up and speak about Ricky. Dr. C wrote me to send her condolences on the portal. That was very sweet of her. I responded that I had not heard from anyone on my pre-op appointment, but never did hear back from that message.
I went through the motions all morning. Thank goodness that Nana came over and got Meade for the morning, since it is Wednesday and she didn't have school. Mary Pat arrived around noon and it was difficult to see her at first. We had a good cry and then kept getting everything straight. MP would ride down and back with Jacob. I had committed to getting to the funeral home a little early to see what else needed to be done at the last minute.
The drive down was tough. I stopped at the dollar store in town to grab some gum and saw a good friend from home's grandmother. She and I hugged in the line as we waited to check out and cried some more. On to the funeral home I went.
Benjamin pulled me aside quickly to let me know that neither the medical examiner nor Ricky's primary care physician would sign the death certificate without more information. Thus, specimens were taken to rule out anything other than natural causes. My parents didn't necessarily want to know more and believed that the coroner that came to the house to suggest a stroke or heart attach was well in their hearts. Benjamin wanted me to know and to tell my parents as needed. The death certificates would say pending for now until toxicology comes back, which may take six months. None of this matters, though. He is gone. He is at peace.
Before the viewing even started, people were piling in to pay their respects. The most beautiful cards were printed by the Vincents and it is a nice keepsake for all of us to have. Gosh, I can barely remember everyone that was there. I desperately wanted to wear make up, but I knew it was a lost cause. I was feeling okay - even almost forgetting I was pregnant. My discomfort and fatigue went out the window as there was too much peripheral stuff to attend to.
My dad greeted people first, then mom, then me. I think that Dad must've told everyone about the baby in my belly - he was so damned proud. When people got to me, it was always a mix of emotions talking about both Ricky and baby. People were so kind - even telling me how great I looked. Hah - if only! I probably hugged three hundred people before the service, many I hadn't seen in years and some of the closest, most dear friends I had.
It meant the world to me that Bethany, Phillip, Cheryl, Dan and Christen came. Being in this journey so late in the game, I wasn't sure if they could handle it, but they did. They went out of their way to be there for me. I wish I could name all of the others that came and made a huge impact, but there are just too many.
Benjamin had to come to us a few times and tell us we needed to speed things up. For instance, if we had to greet 300 people and gave each of them just one minute, the visitation portion would take 5 hours. I got it, but Dad was the one that needed to get the line moving better. He's a talker, he couldn't help himself.
Finally, the line came to an end it was time to get the show on the road. Several family members took some time to go out and smoke and I tried to gather my thoughts. Little did I know that half of the congregation had been partying in the parking lot. True to Ricky's style, for sure.
Brandon started the service with a few words, a simple prayer and a beautiful song. Then it was my turn. As I faced the audience, I realized there were several people that never came through the receiving line, but were sitting among the guests. I can't believe how many people were there for us to celebrate Ricky. There were tons of people standing in the door ways. I tried to let them know there were more seats available in a few spots so most of them were able to grab a seat.
My talk was much easier considering a couple of his drunk friends, Jamison and Lance, were constantly adlibbing for all to hear. It eased the mood and I was really thankful. Staying true to what mom had wanted, we kept everything funny - even inappropriate at times - because that was most important. My cousin Colin got up and spoke along with a lifelong friend and one of Ricky's coaches, Dianne, and his "big brother" in the TKE fraternity at Radford, Weyman.
Everyone spoke eloquently and the stories that were told were perfect. Once all of that was done, Brandon provided one more song and Benjamin stumbled through his tears to give the Benediction. I can't imagine a better service to be honest. Our family was ushered out to the ND fight song and I got tons more hugs outside as everyone dispersed.
Being from a small town, I had a call a day or two ago from Andy, a friend that now owns a small seafood storefront and pavilion with limited dining on the water. He and his wife, Amber, wanted to offer the pavilion for friends and family to congregate after the service. That was amazing of them. I dropped off cookies for them to set out and asked them to also put out some of their chips and dips. A few friends went in and purchased several pizzas for everyone and another friend brought a crock pot of meatballs.
After a few minutes, my whole body started to hurt and I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I spoke to a few people but couldn't muster any more small talk nor hugs. I was done. I said goodbye to mom and dad and did my best to make it out of there without any eye contact out of fear of having to chat or hug more. I know that was awful of me, but I needed to get home.
I drove back by myself. I don't know if it was good or bad, but I was able to talk to God a little bit and keep in mind how proud Ricky was of me and this baby to be that we will meet in two days. I was exhausted, but it was good to have that time alone. I hope I'll be able to get some rest tonight.
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