In reference to the last post of having grace, I have to understand that my parents also need to do the same. I need to realize that they cannot be here, even though mom said they would be. Even though they have moved an hour from town, they are constantly receiving visitors, along with all of the meals and offers of condolence. It hurts to be alone, but I don't want to be with anyone else.
When I couldn't stand myself anymore and the lonely thoughts, I reached out to my aunt and asked her to just be with me - we could do puzzles, or anything really, but I didn't want to be alone.
A couple of Ricky's best friends reached out to ask if they could visit me this afternoon. That would be lovely, of course. Apparently, they were going to go to my parents and instead, my parents asked them to be with me. My cousin was also flying in from Columbus and also wanted to stop by on his way to his parents house from the airport. This was all good. We could reminisce and simply hug one another.
Alison came and just sat with me. We didn't need to say much, but being together was beyond helpful. Jimmy and Jamison showed up and while it was difficult at first, we told stories and remembered Ricky as he would want to be remembered. My cousin, Colin, stopped by and the stories continued. I tried to write many things down so that I could use them as I spoke at the service. I desperately needed to gather my thoughts and start writing what I planned to say.
After a while, I was simply exhausted and welcomed that they had to leave. I needed to focus on the kids and try to have some normalcy in our evening routine. It all fucking stinks, but somehow, some way, we will figure everything out and be okay - Ricky wouldn't want it any other way.
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